Bonds and Other Broken Things
by friendoftheearth
Summary: An AU story. A relationship reaches breaking point.
1. Chapter 1

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 1

Aaron had been pleased for Paddy at first, he deserved to be happy, but he'd quickly realised that 'she' would only hurt him, just like his mother had.

He'd been on his way home from work one evening, just passing the shop when he's seen Paddy standing by the surgery door, talking to a woman. The leggy blonde had some silly looking dog in her arms so he hadn't thought anymore of it, not until that evening when he heard Paddy singing in the shower. That itself wasn't unusual, what was unusual was the length of time he was in there. He'd been wanting to get in there himself, Jackson was due over at anytime and he wanted to be ready for when he came.

With time running out he'd first banged on the door, then bellowed through it. In desperation he'd then closed his eyes and stuck his head around it, opening his mouth to demand his turn, only to find himself choking on an overpowering mix of deodorant and aftershave. He'd quickly shut the door again and breathed in some unpolluted air.

When a towel clad Paddy did finally make an appearance he was grinning from ear to ear.

"You've been in there an hour!" Aaron protested, there'd better be some hot water left; he didn't do cold showers, not never.

"That's half an hour less than you and Jackson were in there last week!" Paddy shot back, his eyes twinkling with devilment.

Aaron had had the grace to blush. He hadn't realised Paddy had had a stopwatch on them!

Paddy had punched him playfully on his arm before heading for his bedroom, singing loudly as he went. He'd followed on behind, drawn by the older man's aura of excitement.

As Paddy had rummaged through his sock drawer Aaron had sat on his bed, his gaze drawn to the shirt hanging on a wardrobe door. It was obviously new; a price tag was still attached to it. He was more than a little curious now as to what was going on.  
"You going out?"

"I am." Paddy said his face mirroring the delight he felt at the prospect.

"With Marlon?"

"No. With Madeleine."

"Madeleine?" He didn't know any Madeleine.

"Yes Madeleine."

"You've got a date?" He couldn't hide his surprise; he couldn't remember the last time Paddy had been on a date.

Paddy's eyes flashed with irritation, it wasn't that hard to believe was it? Still he wasn't going to let anything dampen his spirits and he smiled good-naturedly at the younger man, "Stranger things happen at sea!"

"Who is she? Where's she from?" He couldn't hide his interest he was suddenly excited for Paddy."

Paddy was brought up short with those questions, he didn't know! "I'll let you know when I find out."

"You're going on a blind date?" He was even more surprised now.

"What? No! I met her today; she brought her dog to the surgery."

"A blonde?" was she the one he'd seen talking to Paddy.

"Yes and with legs up to her armpits!"

Aaron had watched the older man's eyes spark on giving the description, leaving him in no doubt he had the hots for this Madeleine. "You asked a customer out?" Now that was yet another surprise, Paddy wasn't one to mix with business with pleasure.

"Client!" Paddy corrected, "And she asked me out."

Aaron was wide eyed now, he had to be dreaming, he'd wake up in a minute, any second now his alarm would go off.

"Out." Paddy ordered gesturing to the door, "I want to get dressed and I don't want an audience."

He'd been eager to share his news with Jackson, who had listened indulgently as they'd sat together in the Woolpack.

"Did you get a good look at her?"

He'd seen everything but her face! She might be a right minger! Not that it mattered if she made Paddy happy. "No not really."

"Paddy obviously liked what he saw or he wouldn't have said yes to her."

"He did!" Aaron grinned remembering the wicked gleam he'd seen in Paddy's eyes earlier.

Knowing they had the place to themselves they'd gone back to Smithy Cottage, spending several passion filled hours in bed before making their way downstairs to watch a DVD. Midnight had come and gone and with an early start looming they'd gone back up to bed. Paddy still not home.

As usual he was awake before Jackson, nature calling he'd padded barefoot to the bathroom, finding Paddy's door open, just like it had been last night. Cautiously peering around the door in case he got an eyeful of something he shouldn't, he was surprised to find the bed empty, not just empty, un-slept in. Paddy hadn't come home!

He'd woken Jackson up to tell him, Jackson, never at his best on first opening his eyes, couldn't understand what all the fuss was about, "He's a big boy now Aaron," He mumbled sleepily, "He's just doing what comes naturally."

"Urgh!" Aaron hadn't been thinking along those lines, he'd been thinking Paddy had had an accident or something.

Rolling on to his side, determined to have another few extra minutes in bed Jackson said, "It's your turn to make the tea."

Aaron rolled his eyes, he did it every morning.

As he stood waiting for the kettle to boil the front door had crashed open. It had startled Aaron and he'd stepped towards it. But it wasn't the riot police making their way in it was Paddy. Flushed and obviously in one heck of a hurry.

Seeing Aaron he pointed to a mug and said, "I'll have one of those." He'd then disappeared upstairs.

That had been the start of it all. When his and Paddy's relationship had first started to disintegrate.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 2

_He'd not spoken to Paddy in weeks, had only seen him from a distance. They avoided each other like the plague now. Better that than have another all out slanging match like the last one. A raging argument that had seen them both say unforgivable things to each other. It had ended when Paddy had told him to get his stuff and get out._

_He'd not needed telling twice. He'd pounded up the stairs. Threw what he could into a holdall and bolted out the front door. Just like he had the night he'd admitted to Paddy he was gay. The night he'd beaten him up. Paddy had thrown that in his face in the heat of that argument too._

_Their anger filled exchanged still troubled him. It kept him awake night after night, just like now._

_Jackson had long since fallen asleep, curled around him, loving him even when consciousness was lost._

_And in the silence, in the darkness his mind would wander between the wonder of what he'd found with the man beside him and the hurt of a relationship torn apart. Picking through the details, trying to make sense of it all, hoping to see a way of putting it all back together again but knowing nothing could._

_His thoughts were once again taking him back in time, shifting through memories, some good and some he'd rather forget, some he knew would haunt him forever..._

The bathroom door was slightly ajar and he could hear the soft whirring of Paddy's shaver.

"Do you want your tea in there?"

"Please." Paddy called back.

He'd padded into the bathroom then set the cup down on the windowsill.

Paddy eyed the cup's pallid contents with disdain, "Did you use a tea bag or just threaten the milk with one."

"It's hot and wet what more do you want?" He usually made a good cup of tea, but he'd been so eager to hear about Paddy's night out that he'd rushed the process. Come to think of it he couldn't actual remember using a teabag!

"Hot and wet sounds good to me." A disembodied voice called from along the landing, "So does a cup of tea!"

Paddy was chuckling now but he could only blush. He had to change the subject and fast, "You could have texted to say you wouldn't be coming home?"

The older man looked surprised by the reproach, "Sorry, I uh didn't think."

"I was worried?"

"Why? I'm often out all night, when I'm on call."

"But you weren't on call; you were out with some strange woman."

"Maddy isn't strange."

"You know what I mean...Maddy?"

"Yes Maddy, rhymes with Paddy, short for Madeleine."

"Oh right!" He'd known a Maddy once, years ago."

"Maddy and Paddy! That's got a nice ring to it." Jackson was now standing by the open door, grinning at his own observation.

Rolling his eyes, Paddy pressed the cup of gnat's pee he'd had the nerve to call tea into Jackson's hand and said, "Right. You're on tea duty. And you..." he continued as he'd gently pushed him out through the door, "can go observe, see how it's meant to be done!"

He'd then eyed his boyfriend crossly, "Thanks a lot!"

"What have I done?" Jackson was all wide eyed innocence now.

"He was just about to tell me about last night."

"No he wasn't."

"No I wasn't!" Paddy agreed from the other side of the door.

"See!" Jackson laughed as he caught hold of his arm and steered him towards the stairs.

Over a hurried breakfast Paddy had put him out of his misery, telling him a little about Maddy.

Even though he knew she lived the other side of Congleton, was divorced, had no kids, lived with her Chihuahua called Shakira and owned her own hair salon, he still wasn't satisfied. "Why'd she get divorced?" There had to be a reason.

"Well I don't know!" Paddy exclaimed, "She didn't offer to tell me and I didn't ask her. Most probably because I didn't want to spoil the happy atmosphere! But I'm sure it's something we'll discuss if we keep seeing each other, and if it's something I think you need to know I'll tell you. Ok?"

"Alright! I was only asking." He'd said squirming uncomfortably in his chair.

"He's just worried about you Paddy." Jackson then said attempting to explain to the older man his lover's overenthusiastic interest in his love life.

"No I'm not!" He'd protested but with two sets of eyebrows now reaching for the skies he was forced to admit his concern, "Ok so I'm worried about you. But with your track record with women..." He stopped there; the look Jackson was now giving him telling him he was saying totally the wrong thing."

"I don't need reminding thank you!" Getting to his feet Paddy added, "I'd like to think I'm a little more wary this time around."

He'd watched the older man make his way to the surgery. Wanting to believe Paddy would be wary but something had told him any guard he'd put on his emotions would be as much use to him as a chocolate teapot.

He'd not seen Paddy again until that evening. Once again he'd been hogging the shower and once again he'd been waiting outside the bathroom door, questions at the ready, "Are you going out again tonight?"

"Yes."

"With what's her face?"

"Maddy! Yes we're going for a meal."

Paddy had gone out nearly every night that week, the only exception the nights he was on call. The older man seemed happy and because of that he was starting to relax, to not worry so much. Still he couldn't shrug off the unease he felt, he couldn't explain it, and told himself it was just because he hadn't met Maddy, and that when he did that would all change.

How wrong he'd been.

There was some vets do in Leeds and Maddy was accompanying Paddy, she was driving them there, and was picking him up at Smithy Cottage. According to Paddy she was as eager to meet him as he was to meet her. Paddy must have done the hard sell where he was concerned!

It was almost time for her to arrive and while Paddy was getting himself ready he'd been charged with tidying up the place. It had kept him busy, helped with the nerves and he was nervous. He wanted to make a good impression for Paddy's sake. He just hoped he liked her! Of course he'd like her, if Paddy did so would he.

He'd recognised her straight away, she hadn't changed much in the two years since he'd last set eyes on her. He'd known her as Maddy then too but hadn't known it was short for Madeline. Maddy suited her, Madeleine didn't, it was too classy a name for the likes of her.

She'd greeted him with a smile, the smile wavering the second she recognised him.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 3

Paddy hadn't noticed his and Maddy's reaction on seeing each other. Maybe it would have been easier if he had. But he'd been too busy ushering an excited Clyde into the kitchen away from Maddy's expensive clothes. He'd missed their initial shock and what had quickly followed on from it. A pleading look from her in response to his icy glare.

She'd been holding out her hand to him and it was still hovering chest height waiting to take his. But no way would he reach out to shake it! That would mean he accepted her wouldn't it? Well he would never do that. He would never accept her as someone significant in Paddy's life.

So what should he do? Should he fill Paddy in on her past now or wait until they were alone? The sooner he did the better. He looked towards the older man, prepared to do what he thought was for the best. But Paddy was rolling his eyes, turning around and heading back into the kitchen, going in there now to answer the house phone that had started to ring. He shut the door behind him, keeping Clyde secure and in the process leaving the two of them alone.

"I had no idea it was you! Paddy must have said your name a hundred times but I never made the connection."

"Well you know it's me now! What you playing at Maddy? He's a good man, too good for the likes of you..."

"I could say the same about you!"

Her face had hardened as she'd snapped that back at him, reminding him of the Maddy he knew. "Yeah, and you'd be right. But he knows all about me, all about my past. And it is all in the past. I've changed and I've got Paddy to thank for that."

"I've changed too; I'm a better person now!"

"But Paddy doesn't know anything about your past does he?" Aaron challenged, he was 100% certain of that. "I bet you haven't told him what you were? Who you were married to?"

"No. Not yet! But I am going to tell him."

"When?"

"When the right moment comes along..."

"It won't!" How stupid was she? "The longer you leave it the harder it will be, and the more you'll hurt him."

"Aaron please. I like him, and he likes me..."

"That's why you have to tell him. So you tell him now or I will." He had every intention of doing so too but Maddy was nodding her agreement and thinking it best he wasn't round when she told Paddy the truth about herself he made for the door, intending on going to the pub to wait out the coming storm there.

The place was empty, Bob behind the bar and obviously pleased to have a customer to serve at last. He ordered a pint and took root by the window.

He wasn't sure what he'd expected, Maddy leaving on her own he supposed but just minutes after him taking his first sip of lager, he saw her leaving with Paddy. They were arm in arm and they were both smiling. He watched as they got into her car, Paddy in the passenger seat, seconds later she'd put her foot down and they were speeding away.

He was fuming now, she'd had no intention of telling Paddy about her past. Well he did! He'd tell him everything, the very first chance he got.

Downing his pint he then headed home, relieved to see Jackson's van appear around the corner.

Jackson had been smiling but on getting a closer look at his doom and gloom filled face the older man was now frowning. As he walked towards him he said, "What the hell's up with you?"

Where did he start? He could only shake his head, suddenly lost for words.

"What is it? Is it Paddy? Is he alright?"

"Yeah, he's fine." He managed to force out, "I don't know how long for though!"

They went inside, Jackson pushing for answers before he'd even shut the door, "What's that supposed to mean?" He thought the world of Paddy, Aaron's comment had him worried now.

"I know her Jackson! She's trouble!"

"Who is?" Jackson gripped Aaron's upper arms stopping his agitated pacing.

"Maddy!"

"Maddy?" He didn't like the sound of this, and certainly not the effect she'd had on Aaron. He'd known he was meeting her for the first time this evening; he'd wanted to be here to meet her too. He felt like part of the family now, and wanted to meet the woman who was making Paddy happy. If he hadn't been stuck in traffic he'd perhaps have more idea of what was going on. "So how'd you know her?"

Jackson knew all about him, he'd told him all about his past. It was only right he knew the history of the person he was getting so involved with. He'd deserved that honesty from him at least. Paddy deserved that from Maddy too.

Because Jackson knew all about his run-ins with the law and the reason behind them, telling him how he knew Maddy was easy enough. The older man had listened intently, and when he'd gone on to tell him about his and Maddy's conversation earlier.

"Well maybe she has changed, maybe she is a better person now and that's why Paddy likes her."

"Why hasn't she been honest with him? She's lied to him!"

"We don't know that for sure do we? I mean not telling someone something isn't the same as lying to them is it?"

"She's hiding it from him which is wrong isn't it?"

"Yeah I suppose it is but..."

"Why are you taking her side? You don't know her Jackson but I do and I'm telling you Maddy McFarlane is trouble!"

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 4

Jackson had sat him down intent on adding some reasoning to the mix. Telling him he couldn't just go charging in, making demands and issuing ultimatums. He though couldn't understand why not. Where would sitting back doing nothing get him? How was that going to help Paddy?

"What's to say he's in need of help? I agree he should know about her past. It can't go biting him on his backside when he least expects it if he does. But how he finds out and who tells him is important too.

"She had her chance!"

"Maybe she didn't want to spoil his night, maybe she needs a little time to..."

"They've been seeing each other for nearly two weeks! She's had plenty of time to tell him. It's obvious she's not going to, so I will.

"He might resent you for telling him about her."

"He's more likely to thank me!"

"I don't want to see Paddy hurt either, I like him, he's become a good mate and more because of what he is to you. But I think you've got to tread carefully here and not go at it like a bull at a gate. It might all just backfire in your face if you do."

He couldn't see how it could so insisted, "I've got to do something."

"He's a grown man. Old enough to take care of himself..."

"But he can't! Not where women are concerned anyway. He's been divorced twice and he's been done over by me Mam!"

"How would you feel if he started meddling in your love life, if he told me to take a hike?"

"He's got no reason to warn you off! And anyway I've not warned her off exactly and I'm not meddling I'm...I'm just looking out for him like he's looked out for me."

"But there's a difference here isn't there? He's not a troubled kid needing taking in hand and putting on the straight and narrow. He's not a wild teen needing boundaries and a dose of tough love. He's a mature and sensible adult looking for a relationship."

"But he hasn't got a clue where women are concerned!" As far as he could see Paddy just drifted from one relationship disaster to another.

Jackson couldn't help but grin, "I'd say he knows a damn sight more about them than you do!"

"Yeah maybe he does but I know he deserves better than her."

"Right! So is that what this is really all about? You not thinking she's good enough for Paddy?"

"Well she's not!"

"Aaron you love him and I love that you do but that doesn't give you the right to say that. You can't pick and choose his girlfriends just like he can't pick who you see."

"He encouraged me to see you, if he didn't like you he'd have tried to put me off you."

"Would you have listened?"

"No, I'd have told him where to go." Aaron cringed; he'd walked right into that one.

"Exactly! And he'll end up telling you where to go if you handle this badly. All I'm saying is, you need to play it by ear, not jump in feet first muddying the waters."

"Ok I will." He had every intention of doing so too.

"Good." Hopefully that was the end of that discussion for the night. "Now how about while I go take a shower you get all domesticated and make your man his tea?"

"Domesticated and me don't belong in the same sentence!" Aaron grinned, "So how about we eat at the Woolie, Marlon's there tonight and he's..."

"What?" Jackson asked, Aaron had paused midsentence and suddenly looked a million miles away.

"Marlon!" Why hadn't he thought about telling Marlon before now? He knew all about the McFarlane's and he was Paddy's best mate.

"What about Marlon?"

"He knows who the McFarlane's are!" He'd helped get him out of their clutches.

"So? What are you expecting him to do? Talk Paddy out of seeing this Maddy?"

"No. I just wanted to see what he thinks about him seeing her."

An hour later they were sitting in the Woolpack waiting for Marlon to bring them their food.

"Are you sure telling Marlon is a good idea?"

"Yeah! Why?"

"Well I just don't think Paddy would want what is his business and his business alone discussed behind his back."

"Well you don't want me telling him to his face!"

"No but...ok, tell him." He could only hope Marlon wouldn't go off half cocked like Aaron had.

The pub was still relatively quiet, Bob still behind the bar, so after Marlon had set their plates down onto the table and told them to, "Enjoy!" Aaron had asked him if had a minute.

"You want to talk to me?" Marlon feigned shock. "The last time you two were sat sitting there you told me to 'Do one'."

"Yeah well this important."

"Oh?"

"It's about Paddy."

"Right." Marlon eased his lanky frame down into a chair suddenly all ears. "What about him?"

"You know he's been seeing a woman?"

"Well he has sort of mentioned her name a zillion times."

"Maddy McFarlane."

"James isn't it? Maddy James."

"See!" Aaron looked at Jackson, "She's lying about her name."

"She's divorced isn't she? She's probably using her...her what do you call it...her maiden name!"

"Why would she want to lie about her name?" Marlon looked puzzled, "I've heard worse."

"McFarlane!" Aaron stated wondering why Marlon was taking so long to make the connection.

"It's a good Scottish name isn't it? McFarlane?" It suddenly sounded familiar to him but why? "Oh my God! She's not one of 'them' McFarlane's is she?"

Jackson had been hoping that Aaron had been exaggerating where Maddy's ex-husband's family was concerned, but one look at the older man's face told him he wasn't.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 5

Marlon had agreed with Jackson, believing it best if Maddy came clean to Paddy herself and had suggested they give her a few more days. If she still hadn't said anything by Monday then they would have a rethink.

Aaron had reluctantly agreed and put it to the back of his mind, easy enough to do now he had Jackson to distract him. They'd chatted over their meal, the pub slowly filling up around them. They had a clear view of the bar from where they were sitting and when Jackson made his way there to get another round of drinks, Aaron had watched him go. Absently looking him up and down as he silently congratulated himself, 'he's mine, all mine'.

After ordering the drinks Jackson had turned around to face him gesturing to the men's room. Aaron's gaze had followed him until he'd disappeared behind the door. With nothing now to occupy him he let his gaze sweep around the pub, checking to see who was in tonight, all the regulars were, all were well known faces except for one. Stood by the end of the bar was a tall, powerfully built man with cropped dark hair. For some reason he looked very out of place. Aaron didn't know him but at the same time he looked vaguely familiar, like he'd seen him someplace before, he just couldn't remember where. The stranger hadn't held his attention for long though, Jackson had settled down beside him minutes later and he'd forgotten all about him. He would regret doing that!

They'd left after that drink, made their way to the Smithy and gone straight to bed.

He hadn't been expecting Paddy home that night so when he looked out of window the next morning and saw Maddy's car parked outside he was taken aback. He couldn't believe she'd had the nerve to stay the night knowing he was on her case.

Glancing at a still sleeping Jackson he quickly pulled on some clothes and made his way downstairs. Maddy's very presence in the house irritated him and he decided to take Clyde for a walk to burn some of that irritation off. He knew if he didn't he'd end up saying something he shouldn't when he finally set eyes on her.

He strode into the kitchen calling for Clyde as he did so. As the dog bounded towards him he realised someone else was in the room. Sat at the kitchen table, mug of tea in her hand was the cause of his troubled mind. Her brown eyes met his, her gaze wavering nervously.

"Making yourself at home!" He'd put enough venom in his comment to drive Maddy to her feet.

"I'm just about to leave."

He watched as she gathered up her bag and car keys before asking "Have you told Paddy yet?"

"I told you I will but I'd like to talk to you first. I don't think you're ready to listen though."

"What?"

"You're so angry with me."

"With good reason, you're lying to Paddy!"

"No I'm not; he just doesn't know everything about me like I don't know everything there is to know about him. I will tell him but I need you to understand something first."

"Like what?"

"Me. I need you to understand who I am now. That I'm a different person, and that I deserve a chance to be happy too..."

"Paddy deserves to be happy and he won't be with you!"

"You don't know that. You're judging me on what you knew about me two years ago. I didn't like what I saw in you back then either but you've changed. I've seen you through Paddy's eyes so I know just how much. I just want you to give me a chance Aaron, to stop being angry at me, to get to know me because you might just find you like me if you do."

"Why would I want to?"

"Because you'd accept me and Paddy being together if you did."

"That's never going to happen!"

"What's going on?"

Aaron jumped at the sound of Paddy's voice; he turned around to face the older man, wondering just how much he'd heard. Paddy's gaze was moving between him and Maddy, he was expecting an explanation of some kind and Maddy was the first to give him one.

"We were just talking."

"It sounded like you were arguing to me." Moving further into the room Paddy looked at Aaron, "Well?"

Turning his gaze back on Maddy he said "Are you going to tell him or am I?"

"Tell me what?" Paddy demanded, he'd heard Aaron's raised voice, words he could make no sense of and the tension between him and Maddy right now was palpable.

Maddy nodded and said, "I will." before sinking back down into the kitchen chair.

When he'd turned back around to face Paddy, he'd seen Jackson standing just behind him; he was looking at him questioningly. He knew he had some explaining to do himself.

Clyde excitedly sniffed his way along the lane, setting the pace. Taking the three of them further and further away from the difficult conversation now taking place in the kitchen of Smithy Cottage. Aaron was relieved it was finally happening but Jackson had his misgivings, annoyed at Aaron for seemingly interfering when he'd said he wouldn't. He had a bad feeling about all of this, someone was going to end up hurt but something told him it wouldn't be Paddy.

"Why couldn't you just leave it for now?"

"She was sitting there like she owned the place. I had to say something!"

"No you didn't!" Jackson spat in exasperation, "She was sitting there minding her own business more like...so why couldn't you? You should have just come back to bed and left well alone."

"Well I couldn't and what's it to you anyway?"

"Well if you really need to ask there's not much point me being here." Turning around Jackson headed back to the village, he had his van keys in his pocket so he had no reason to intrude on whatever was happening at Paddy's. He hadn't gone very far when an apologetic voice called after him.

"Jackson wait! I'm sorry, don't go please."

Aaron's plea had stopped him in his tracks, he turned around slowly not quite ready to make peace just yet, "You were out of order!"

"Yeah I know, I said I was sorry."

"I meant about Maddy."

Aaron could only shrug, he didn't see it that way.

"What if when you go back there now, you find that everything's alright between them, that Paddy's accepted her past and has decided that its now and the future that matters?"

"Well he won't. He'll see her for what she is and tell her to do one."

Jackson very much doubted that but then he didn't know Paddy as well as Aaron did. One thing he did know though was that all this business with Maddy could end up coming between Aaron and Paddy if the younger man didn't start to back off a little.

They'd stayed away from the Smithy for an hour, but whether that was time enough or not they'd had to go back, they were both running late for work.

As they'd rounded the corner they realised Maddy's car was gone."

"See! He's sent her packing."

Aaron had sounded both pleased and relieved, Jackson didn't share those emotions, he just felt uneasy. He led the way inside finding Paddy sitting at the table staring into a cup.

"Paddy?"

The older man slowly met Aaron's questioning gaze to snap derisively at him, "Happy now?"

"You had to know I..."

Paddy lurched to his feet holding his hand up to silence the younger man, "I don't want to hear it."

As Paddy disappeared into his surgery Jackson eyed Aaron, "Well it seems you were right so are you happy now?"

Heaving a sigh he shook his head, of course he wasn't happy, he didn't like hurting Paddy, he'd been trying to protect him. Paddy would realise that, wouldn't he?

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 6

He'd been about to go after Paddy but Jackson hadn't thought that a good idea. He'd told him to keep out of his way for a few hours at least, so he'd gone to work, deciding to head home at lunch time and speak to the older man then.

So while Cain had made his way into the Woolpack he traipsed up to Smithy cottage uncertain of the reception he'd get. He'd found Paddy in the kitchen making himself a sandwich. He hadn't looked at him, he'd just acknowledged him with a curt, "What do you want?" Making it all too plain he was still angry with him.

"I thought you might want to talk...or yell at me maybe."

Paddy finally met his gaze, "Well I don't."

"Paddy come on. Don't be like this I was just..."

"You were just sticking your nose where it doesn't belong."

"Alright. I'm sorry. But you needed to know about her and she wasn't going to tell you..."

"She has a name! Maddy. And Maddy 'was' going to tell me, but in her own time. Some things are hard to say. You have to build up a little courage before you can say some things. You should know that!"

"Yeah." He knew that only too well but it wasn't the same thing was it? He watched as Paddy moved to sit at the table, joining him seconds later. He didn't like being in Paddy's bad books and wanted to clear the air between them, try to anyway. "I know you liked her..."

"I still like her!"

"What?" What exactly did he mean by that?

"Maddy telling me about her past hasn't changed anything just like you telling Jackson all about your past hasn't changed the way he feels about you."

He wanted to say that that was different but knew Paddy wouldn't agree. He'd done some bad things yes but he'd only just turned fifteen when he'd got mixed up with the McFarlane's. He was just a kid. He hadn't thought past the money he was earning, he hadn't thought about the consequences, of the lives affected by the drugs he'd delivered for them. But Maddy had been twice his age at least, she knew exactly what she was doing and didn't give a toss, so it was different!

He was almost afraid to ask, but he needed to know for sure, "So are you still going to see her?"

"Yes I am."

"It doesn't bother you what she was?"

Paddy heaved a sigh, "She was a stripper Aaron not a mass murderer. I'd rather she'd have earned a living some other way but sometimes people make the wrong choices."

Paddy was getting at him again, he'd made a lot of wrong choices but his head had been so messed up. What was Maddy's excuse? Paddy needed his eyes opening some more.

"She worked for and then married Gary McFarlane! The McFarlane's are into everything that's illegal! No matter what Uncle Zak says they're not small time crooks they run with the big guns. Maddy ran one of their clubs, she knew they were running drugs from there, she was involved in it, she used to ring me when there was a drop to make."

"And she regrets it all just like you regret all the things you did that were wrong."

"She was in the house when they took me there; she saw her husband smack me around and did nothing..."

"I know, she told me. She was scared of him Aaron; he used to smack her around too, worse. That's why she divorced him, she got away from him...them and she started a new life for herself. You of all people should know it's not impossible to turn your life around."

He didn't want to hear anymore, he didn't want to listen to Paddy defending her, He got to his feet, "I'm going back to work."

"Aaron?"

"What?"

"Maddy asked you to give her chance, I'm asking you to do the same."

He'd do anything for Paddy, anything. But right now it felt like he was asking him for the moon, He shook his head, "Paddy I..."

"Please."

"Ok." It had been a half-hearted response and he knew Paddy had recognised it for what it was, the older man had opened his mouth to speak, probably to demand some reassurance from him but he'd quickly turned around and headed for the door, "I've got to go."

He was angry at Paddy now. Why couldn't he see she was no good? Why couldn't he see just how cheap and nasty Maddy McFarlane was? Even before she'd told him about her past she'd proved herself to be that. She'd thrown herself at him; she'd asked him out, slept with him the very first night! Paddy deserved better, a lot better and he wasn't going to just stand around and watch while he got his heartbroken for a fourth time!

He'd been left in foul mood all afternoon; Cain had given him an earful for snapping at him, which only served to worsen his mood. He was about ready to thump someone or something when Jackson's van pulled up. He was so pleased to him, relieved to have someone to share what felt like a heavy weight on his shoulders. As always Jackson was willing to listen, to offer him some advice, he usually took it but he wouldn't do this time and he would regret it.

They were sat in Jackson's van, out of Cain's and anyone else nearby's hearing.

It hadn't really come as any surprise to Jackson that Paddy and Maddy were still an item. Paddy wasn't one to judge anyone, he'd seen the worst of Aaron but had still reached out to him. Loved him when no one else could. "He didn't think any less of you did he? He gave you chance after chance because he knew you'd come good in the end..."

"I know but this is different."

"Why is it?"

"Because it is, because she could really hurt him."

"You mean break his heart? Well so could you! He's asked you to give Maddy a chance and I think you should, for his sake not hers."

"No!" Was he the only one who could see how wrong this was?

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 7

Jackson hadn't liked his decision and had tried to change his mind but no way was he going to. He'd eventually got out the van knowing he and Jackson were heading for an argument and Maddy certainly wasn't worth falling out over.

He'd left work early, Cain glad to see the back of him and his bad mood. After taking a shower he'd headed downstairs to make something to eat. By rights Paddy should still have been in the surgery but he wasn't, he was sitting at the kitchen table eyeing him expectantly. If he'd have stopped to think he'd have realised just how hard Paddy was trying where he was concerned, but no, as usual he wasn't thinking, not rationally anyway.

"We need to talk Aaron."

"You don't want to hear anything I've got to say!"

"I listened to everything you said earlier..."

"It went in one ear and out the other!"

"No. Just because I haven't dumped Maddy doesn't mean I wasn't listening to you. Now will you please come and sit down so we can talk."

The last thing he wanted to do was talk about Maddy but he found himself walking over to the table, to sit opposite the older man.

"Talk to Maddy, get to know her..."

"I already know her Paddy!"

"This is just it, you don't. You just remember something of her from two years back. You were aware of her, you saw her around, exchanged a few words with her, that's not knowing someone."

"I know all I need to know." He got to his feet letting Paddy know that as far as he was concerned the conversation was now over.

Paddy had got to his feet too, unable to hide his irritation at the younger man's pigheadedness. "Alright. But I'm telling you now, you'd better do something about your attitude, I don't like the way you're behaving towards Maddy."

"What?"

"You're rude, unpleasant; you're making her feel like she's not welcome here."

"Well she'd not!"

"Aaron! This is my home and Maddy is my girlfriend and as long as she is she will be welcome here, so you'd better get used to the idea."

"Is that it?"

"No. I'm not asking you I'm telling you, you show Maddy some respect or else."

"Or else what?"

Paddy hadn't had chance to answer, Jackson had walked in through the front door bringing the conversation to an abrupt halt.

Sensing the unpleasant atmosphere Jackson had looked back and forth between the two men and then asked, "Am I interrupting something?" He could easily make himself scarce if he was.

"He was just marking my cards for me!" Aaron spat.

"What?" Jackson didn't like the sound of that.

"I asked you to show Maddy some respect. That's not too much to ask is it? This is my home after all!"

For some reason that last comment from Paddy had stung like hell and he heard himself say, "Your home?"

"Mine and yours! But it doesn't feel much like home right now does it? Not with you making things so unpleasant."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No of course I don't. Look Aaron..."

"If you want me out you only have to say."

"I don't."

He wasn't convinced and hurting even more now he turned around, jostling passed Jackson in his haste to get away. He heard him call his name, felt his hand grip his arm but shrugged off the restraining hand, pulling open the door and slamming it behind him.

Paddy met Jackson's troubled gaze, "You'd better go after him."

"In a minute." Stepping closer to the older man wanting to make sure they were all on the same page Jackson said, "All his anger, all his mouthing off it's just because he cares about you."

"I know."

Jackson gave Paddy a half smile, the unease he felt just wouldn't go away, "Just don't go losing sight of that fact will you."

He'd hurried outside then, quickly scanning the village hoping for a glimpse of Aaron, but he was nowhere to be seen. He couldn't see him going to the pub, not as angry as he was, he'd probable took off up the road. Breaking into a run he headed for his van running around the front of it to get to the driver's side, pulling up short on finding Aaron leaning against the door. Head bowed and so very dejected looking.

But concern was soon swamped by annoyance; Aaron was his own worst enemy, "What the hell are you trying to do? Drive a big fat wedge between you and Paddy?"

"No."

"Well that's how it looks from where I'm standing! Look..." He'd been about to try some more reasoning but a car had just rounded the corner; he recognised it as Maddy's. That was all he needed right now, the cause of Aaron's ire turning up!

He wasn't above begging, so he eyed Aaron beseechingly, "For Paddy's sake make an effort please."

He turned his attention to the willowy blonde; she was standing by the side of her car now, eyeing the two of them nervously. It was his first real good look at her; he'd been focusing more on Aaron that morning when it had all kicked off.

Jackson had to admit he liked what he saw. She was fashionable dressed. Her hair shaped into what his mum would call a bob, perfectly framing a very pretty face, which was adorned with the minimum of makeup. Her big brown eyes were now locked on Aaron as she softly said his name in greeting. There was too long a pause before the young man replied but to his relief he finally did with a simple "Hi." Aaron hadn't looked at her but at least he'd acknowledged Maddy in a friendly enough tone which was a step in the right direction Jackson supposed. Her gaze had then settled on him.

"Jackson isn't it?"

"Yeah." He'd smiled at her and had been given a warm smile in return, she'd taken a few steps closer to him then and held out her hand. He'd not thought twice about wrapping his own around it, and he'd certainly not expected Aaron to react the way he did to the gesture. The younger man stalking off down the road, leaving an uncomfortable silence behind him.

He'd been about to apologise on Aaron's behalf, but Maddy was first to speak.

"Sorry. I can't seem to do right for doing wrong!"

"It's Aaron who should be apologising."

"No. He's got cause to not like me, to not trust me. He's scared I'll hurt Paddy and I can't fault him for looking out for him."

Maddy had just gone up another notch in his estimations, she certainly seemed to understand and sympathise with Aaron's actions. Apart from that though there was just something about her he liked and he was certain that if Aaron would just give her the chance she was asking for, he would find he liked her too.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 8

He'd not been able to stand Maddy's 'butter wouldn't melt' act any longer, especially as it was now working on Jackson too. So he'd took off down the road, heading nowhere in particular, just away from her, and the risk of him opening his gob and saying something Paddy wouldn't ever forgive him for. He'd ended up sitting on a bench in the deserted playground. Jackson sitting down alongside him ten or so minutes later.

"Well you're in the right place! That was a childish thing to do."

He ignored the comment and avoided making eye contact with Jackson, he could think whatever he liked. A few more silent minutes passed then he heard the older man sigh before getting to his feet saying, "I'm going home, ring me when you've done some growing up!"

Now he'd pissed off Jackson too. He was at odds with the two most important people in his life and it was all because of her, because of Maddy McFarlane. Well he wasn't going to back down where she was concerned but he could let Jackson know he regretted being off with him.

Jackson had left his van by Paddy's and was now walking up the hill, just passing the B&B when his phone bleeped, alerting him to a text. He knew instinctively it was Aaron and had a good idea what the message would say. He waited until he was sitting in his van before reading it.

He'd been right, the message was from Aaron, he'd been expecting an apology nothing else but the unexpected extra made him smile... sorry - i luv u ... he knew Aaron loved him, he just wished he'd tell him more often. But those three little words didn't come easy to the younger man, he couldn't ever remember hearing them growing up which Jackson took to be the reason why. He knew Aaron had felt unwanted and unloved until Paddy had taken him in.

He had to wonder if Aaron had ever told Paddy he loved him. He couldn't see it somehow. Paddy knew Aaron cared about him but he probably had no idea just how very much the younger man did love him and that that was the reason why he was so doggedly digging his heels in over Maddy.

Deciding it wouldn't do Aaron any harm to stew a little he sat back in his seat and thought over what happened in the last half hour, slowly realising there was a lot more to all this upset than met the eye. He'd walked in on an argument between Paddy and Aaron and had been left feeling very uneasy by what he'd heard, he knew why now.

After an unfortunate choice of words by Paddy, Aaron had asked him if he wanted him to leave. He'd thought it an overreaction on Aaron's part at the time but now he'd had chance to mull it over he understood why Aaron had reacted the way he did. He'd been fairly close to his real father until he'd got himself a girlfriend, who'd later become his wife and mother to his second child. His father had had no time for his son then, eventually throwing him out when he started to act up.

He now realised Aaron was afraid the same thing would happen again. But Paddy would never turn his back on Aaron, he was certain of that.

Starting the engine he drove down the hill, stopping by the gates to the playground. On seeing him Aaron had got to his feet and was now walking towards him.

He sat silently as the younger man clambered in beside him, waiting for him to speak, he didn't have to wait long.

"Can I stay at yours tonight?"

He'd not been expecting that, although it was typical Aaron behaviour, running from a problem, "Avoiding Paddy isn't the answer?"

"It's her I want to avoid!"

"That's not the answer either."

"No. Paddy dumping her is."

"Well I don't think he'll be doing that any time soon." The sooner Aaron came to realise that the better it would be for him and for all concerned.

"He'll see her for what she is eventually!" It would probably be too late when he did but he made a promise to himself to be there to help pick up the pieces.

"You know you could be wrong about her."

"I'm not! Now can we talk about something else!" He'd had enough of Maddy for one day. He just wanted to forget about her and spend some time with the man he loved.

"Good idea! But not until you've been home and told Paddy you're staying at mine tonight."

"I thought you said..."

"Yeah well I've changed my mind." It wouldn't be such a bad idea to give both Aaron and Paddy some time to cool down properly.

"I'll text him." He couldn't face either Paddy or Maddy right now.

"No! You'll go tell Paddy to his face, making it plain there's no bad feeling between you."

Jackson had been insistent and had driven him back up the hill, waiting in the van and keeping the engine running while he reluctantly made his way inside.

The kitchen was empty but he could hear the faint sound of voices coming from the living room. The door was open by just a few inches and the nearer he got the more audible the conversation taking place became. He'd been about to open the door wider and make his presence known but on realising Maddy sounded upset he had stopped to listen, but only to see if he should intrude or not.

He'd heard Pearl say once that eavesdroppers never heard any good of themselves well he was now finding that to be true.

"He'll come between us Paddy I know he will."

"No, we won't let him."

"But he doesn't like me seeing you."

"It's got nothing to do with him! What he thinks isn't important. He's not important. He's certainly not worth you getting upset over..."

He'd switched off then, he'd heard enough, more than enough. He'd never thought he'd hear Paddy say something like that about him. Never! He thought Paddy loved him, he'd told him he did, he'd said he thought of him as his son. He'd believed him too.

On suddenly leaden legs he turned around and made for the front door. He was hurting badly now, more than he thought was possible.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 9

"Ok?" Jackson had asked him as he'd got back in the van; he'd forced a smile and said "Yeah, sorted." He wasn't going to let anyone know just how much he was hurting right now, not even Jackson.

He'd put up quite a pretence too, chatting away like he was in a good place all the time feeling like he'd had the crap kicked out of him. He'd been the one to suggest they have a night in, a pizza and a few cans in front of the telly. They'd drove in to town, stopping first at the pizzeria and then the off-licence. Jackson had raised an eyebrow when he saw the amount he'd bought, but he'd got around that by saying there was an offer on and no member of the Dingle clan worth his salt would pass up the chance of cheap booze. He knew a drink would help him relax, stop his gut from twisting, ease the ache in his chest. He hadn't thought about its other side effects, how it loosened his tongue, or how emotional it sometimes made him. Or maybe he had, maybe he'd wanted to let all the hurt out knowing the alcohol would help it on its way.

By the time Jackson had got out of the shower he'd been on his fifth can. With no one but himself for company his thoughts had wandered back to the conversation he'd overheard. He'd not tasted the lager as it slipped down his throat; he'd not registered the amount he was putting away or the speed at which he was sinking it. He just knew it would offer some comfort, comfort he had no intention of letting anyone know he needed. He'd not thought about the row of empty cans sitting on the coffee table, he'd not thought about them giving the game away. Or maybe he had, Jackson missed nothing, he'd see them and want to know why he was drinking to excess and he'd have to tell him.

As he'd reached for his sixth can Jackson had sat down beside him and gripped his arm.

"Whoa! What's this? A drink yourself under the table contest?"

He shrugged off Jackson hand and was just fingering the ring-pull when the can was wrenched from his fingers.

"Alright, what's up? Is it this Maddy business?"

"I thought we weren't going to talk about her?"

"I wasn't going to, not until you started putting it away like it's going out of fashion! I know you can drink for England on a night out but not sat on a sofa at home. Four cans last you all night usually! You've downed five pint cans in less than an hour! Something's up!"

"No."

"Aaron?"

"I heard them talking about me." The walls were crumbling already, so much for him keeping it to himself.

"Who?"

"Paddy and that...that bitch!"

"What do you mean they were talking about you? What did they say?"

"It doesn't matter." It didn't, not anymore; the pain was starting to ease a little now.

"It obviously does, so tell me."

"I thought he loved me..." It was all coming out now, bit by bit. God he was so pathetic!

"Paddy? He does. You know he does."

"No." He shook head, he knew different, he wished he didn't but there you go, life was always throwing little surprises at you, hitting you in the face when you least expected them.

"What was it you heard?"

It all just tripped off his tongue then, what she'd said, what Paddy had said. Then came the tears, trickling endlessly down his cheeks. Jackson had tried to wrap his arms around him then but he'd pulled away, got to his feet and walked over to the window. He was alright; he didn't need hugging and fussing over, he didn't need comforting like some lost child. Or maybe he did. Maybe that's what he'd wanted all along, because when Jackson got to his feet, followed him across the room, pulled him into his arms and held him tightly he let him, his silent tears then turning into uncontrollable sobs.

He didn't remember much after that, he didn't remember going to bed, he was next aware of lying there in Jackson's arms, warm, wanted and above all else, loved. Closing his eyes he'd let himself drift away into the peace of the black nothingness.

The soft even breaths told him Aaron was finally asleep. Now he could breathe a little easier. He'd known something wasn't right; Aaron had gone from being so very down to up too quickly. But he'd stupidly put it down to him making some kind of peace with Paddy. But all the time he'd been hurting and damn him to hell he hadn't noticed!

He couldn't believe Paddy would say something like that. Aaron had to have misheard him but he seemed so sure. He'd see Paddy himself tomorrow, have it out with him and if he had said it, then God help him! Aaron had been crushed, he'd never seen him that upset and didn't want to ever again.

He closed his eyes, pulled Aaron a little closer to him and hoped tomorrow would prove a better day.

eeeee

The ring tone cut through the silence, reaching through the darkness invading the recesses of the slumbering mind. He'd shifted a little, but his half awake brain insisted it was just his alarm, so he snuggled closer to the man beside him and told himself 'just five minutes more.' When the hectic beat finally stopped he sank back into sleep only to seconds later hear the thump thump in his aching head once again.

He groaned out loud, realising it was his phone and that whoever it was on the other end wasn't giving up. He reached for his jacket, searched his pockets, finally laying his hand on what he'd been looking for.

"Who is it?" Jackson asked sleepily.

He didn't know, his eyes refused to focus, so he just pressed what he thought was the answer key and hoped for the best saying, "What?"

"Paddy!" The panic in the older man's voice instantly brought him to his senses, jolting him upright into a sitting position, "What?"

He scrambled out of bed and into his clothes alerting Jackson to the nightmare that was happening at home.

"He thinks Clyde's been poisoned! He wants me home and fast."

Last night's drama was forgotten as another unfolded, Jackson speeding first through coming-to-life streets and then quiet country lanes, half expecting a flashing blue light to appear as he did so. Despite his haste, sods law had ensured every traffic light had been on red and it had taken them twenty minutes to get to Emmerdale. Finally there they raced inside, into the surgery, into the treatment room.

Paddy, pale and teary eyed stood behind the examination table shaking his head helplessly while his hand lovingly stroked the lifeless body lying before him.

"I'm sorry. I did everything I could but he was suffering, I couldn't do anymore except put a stop to his pain."

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 10

He couldn't be dead! Not Clyde.

He called his name softly, expecting his ears to prick up at the sound of his voice. But no. Expecting him to jump up and make a fuss like he always did on seeing him. But no. Expecting him to bark like he did in the mornings when he was wanting to go for his walk. But no.

There was nothing. Not any kind of response. Just an unnatural stillness. An eerie calm. The stark absence of life.

He stepped closer, reaching out with a trembling hand to touch Clyde's face, swallowing hard as his gaze fell upon the open but unseeing brown eyes.

"You should've waited for me Paddy..."

"No!" Paddy stated firmly, "I had to do what was best for him. I hoped you'd understand..."

"I do." He did, he really did. He just wished he'd been here, that he'd been able to hold him when he took his last breath. Just so he'd have known he cared, that he hadn't abandoned him.

He didn't think there were any tears left after last night but before he'd realised it they were once again coursing down his cheeks. A different pain now, a different loss, another one he didn't understand, but felt certain he was somehow responsible for.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here." He whispered into the Alsatians ear, hoping that wherever he was now he'd hear him. "I'm sorry I let you down."

"You didn't. Aaron this isn't your fault."

He looked at the older man through his tears, "I'm sorry Paddy. I should have been here. He was my responsibility." Clyde was his dog; it wasn't right that Paddy had had to deal with this alone.

Paddy was striding around the table, moving towards him, his arms open, pulling him to him, holding him tight, and he let him, letting himself believe he was doing it because he loved him.

Jackson could only look on. His heart aching for Aaron; he knew how much the dog meant to him. He knew how much Paddy meant to him too and right now he didn't doubt the love he had for Aaron. Yesterday's heartache had to have been a misunderstanding; he knew now they'd sort it out, and get back to being what they were to each other, father and son.

He couldn't help feel it fitting that Clyde had brought them together now; after all he'd been responsible for the two of them forming a bond to start with. A troubled and rebellious Aaron had connected with the wild and unwanted dog; Paddy had given them both a home and with love had helped tame them both.

He'd slowly regained control over his emotions, pulling away from Paddy and turning his attention back to Clyde. "What now?"

"I need to find the cause, what is was that...but then we can..." Paddy was struggling with his own emotions now, he pointed to a leaflet pinned up on the notice board. "There's a pet cemetery the other side of Hotton or..."

"I want him to...I'd like him to..." He had to remember this was Paddy's home not his; he might not want his back garden turned into a burial ground. But it seemed he wanted the same as he did.

"I'd like him here too. By the tree?"

"Yeah." He'd been thinking of that very spot too. Clyde liked to lie in its shade on hot summer days. Now he'd lie there undisturbed forever.

With Aaron now gone to do what was necessary outside, and wanting to be on his own to do it. Paddy had sank down into a chair, burying his head in his hands. Jackson resting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

But then, suddenly feeling the need to explain, to unburden himself a little, Paddy lifted his head and gazed up at the younger man, "I couldn't let him suffer and it wouldn't have done Aaron any good seeing him like that, I didn't want him seeing Clyde like that."

"You did the right thing, for both of them."

"I thought he'd be angry, I thought he'd hate me."

"He loves you."

Paddy nodded, he knew that, but was grateful for the reassurance.

"He's not so sure how you feel about him though." It needed saying and Jackson was glad of the opportunity to do so.

"What?"

"He overheard you saying something yesterday, something that..."

"What did he hear?"

"You and Maddy. Saying you wouldn't let him come between you, that he wasn't important..."

"I never said that! I wouldn't." Getting to his feet trying to clear his mind of today's woe and think back to the day before Paddy remembered the conversation he'd had with Maddy. "No! No, we weren't talking about him! We were talking about Maddy's ex husband! He's found out she's seeing someone and he's not happy about it. He's the jealous kind and it seems if he can't have her no one can!"

That had unnerved Jackson, knowing what he did about Gary McFarlane, "Aaron said this McFarlane bloke's bad news!"

"Yes he is. It's a complication we really don't need, not with Aaron feeling the way he does about Maddy. I don't want him knowing, not yet anyway, he's got enough to deal with today."

"I won't say anything." He'd trust Paddy to sit Aaron down and say what needed to be said.

"Right. I'd best see to Clyde, do what I need to do before..." Paddy shook his head, "I can't believe he's gone."

"Paddy, you told Aaron you thought he was poisoned. How?" Aaron had been asking that and other such questions all the way here. Shock and grief had driven them to the back of his mind on seeing Clyde, but he'd soon be asking them again. He'd liked to have some answers ready for him this time.

"I'm pretty sure it was down to poisoning, the signs, the symptoms all point that way. As to how I don't know, not yet anyway." He didn't, not for certain, but he did have his suspicions, he feared it had been deliberate and if he was right then Aaron might just believe he had cause to dislike Maddy even more.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 11

It had just been the three of them standing underneath the tree, Jackson, Paddy and him. He knew a tearful Pearl had been in the background looking on; she'd doted on Clyde, fed him chocolate biscuits even though Paddy had told her over and over again that chocolate was bad for dogs. He didn't mind her being there, witnessing his grief. She'd been good to him too, fussed over him when he'd so stupidly tried to kill himself, and when he'd gone to court. She fussed over Paddy too, mothered him and he secretly liked to see her doing that. She'd taken a liking to Jackson, was forever trying to fatten him up, and he liked to tease him that she had some sort of crush on him, but again it was just Pearl's mothering instincts coming out, at least he hoped that's all it was!

Paddy had, after a little while, left him and Jackson alone, wrapping his arm around Pearl and steering her inside. He knew he'd have to go inside too at some point, but that would mean saying a final goodbye and he wasn't quite ready to do that yet.

He was holding Clyde's collar, that and his lead was all he had left of him now. He fingered it lovingly, memories assailing him, overpowering him, "He was the first real friend I ever had." He'd have felt stupid saying that to anyone else but not to Jackson, he knew he'd understand, there was nothing he couldn't say to him. He needed to talk right now and he knew Jackson would listen. "Mam didn't want me to have him; she said I couldn't look after myself let alone him. She was right. But I had Paddy and he looked after us both.

"I used to tell him things, all my thoughts, all my fears; well he wasn't going to go telling my secrets to anyone else was he? And when I messed up, when I felt the whole world was against me he was always there. Pleased to see me, happy to be with me. He trusted me and loved me and all he wanted from me was love, that's all, nothing else. And I did love him. I...I think he knew that!"

Jackson was holding him now, his arms wrapped tightly around him. The thin material of his shirt absorbing the tears that were once again falling from his eyes. His lips pressed gently against his ear, whispering the reassurance he so desperately needed, "He knew."

Suddenly it seemed the right time. Not that there was any right in the midst of something so very wrong! But he was finally ready to let go. Pulling away from Jackson but taking hold of his hand and holding on to it for dear life, he looked down at the freshly turned earth, "Goodbye Clyde. Bye mate."

eeee

With Clyde laid to rest, Jackson had reluctantly left for work. A quiet and distant Aaron had made his way up to his room, readying himself for a day at the garage. No matter the heartache life went on.

Paddy was sat solemnly at the kitchen table, having a much needed cup of tea while he tried to make sense of what had happened to Aaron's beloved dog. Make sense of such a wicked, evil deed? No! He could never make sense of that! But he did need answers, Aaron would want...need them too.

Clyde had been fine when he'd gone off up to bed, the Alsatian tired from the long walk he'd taken him on. He had gone to bed quite late, having waited up for Aaron. He'd been expecting him home and had planned on talking to him about Maddy again. He'd earlier lost his temper with the boy and was regretting it, but he was falling in love and he was desperate for the lad to accept the woman he had so quickly and unexpectedly found himself deeply caring about.

He was horrified that Aaron had overheard the two of them talking and had got the wrong end of the stick, he was so insecure so of course he'd naturally believed the worst and had been hurt badly in the process, no wonder he hadn't come home.

He'd got up early, something having woken him up. As he'd made his way downstairs he'd realised it had been Clyde. The dog lay at the bottom of the stairs, whimpering pitifully in between fitting helplessly, blood trickling from every orifice. He'd known instantly it was poisoning, he's seen it before, it was something he'd never forget. He'd never forget seeing Clyde's suffering either.

He guessed something had been put through the letterbox, some tasty piece of meat laced with some chemical. It had to have been done with the intent to kill, and after what Maddy had told him yesterday, he was sure it had been done to make those witnessing its agonizing and lethal effect think twice about who they were getting involved with.

Paddy was certain it had been a warning. That Gary McFarlane was warning him off Maddy.

If he was right, and he hoped to God he wasn't, he was going to have to tell Aaron. He feared the lad's reaction. He'd had dealings with the McFarlane's before, it's how he'd come back into his mother's life and then into his. He didn't want Aaron getting mixed up with them again. They'd hurt him like they'd hurt Clyde.

His mobile was ringing, shaking him out of his thoughts. He picked it up off the table, Maddy's name was flashing on the screen.

"Hi."

She was ringing to see how it had gone with Aaron, she was worried he'd never accept her. He'd had to tell her about Clyde and his suspicions but he'd not for one minute expected the reaction he'd got from her and he'd not realised Aaron had been standing behind him, listening to every word he'd said. He'd certainly not been prepared for Aaron's explosive reaction.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 12

He'd been annoyed with Jackson for tackling Paddy about what he'd overheard him saying. He hadn't really been surprised though, it was just the sort of thing he would do. Jackson's need to put right whatever went wrong in his life was one of the many reasons why he loved him.

He hadn't gone into any great detail, he'd said just enough to make it clear he'd got it all wrong, telling him Paddy would talk to him about it himself. Jackson had then made him promise to listen to him, to give him chance to explain. He should have known then that something wasn't right, but he'd been so upset at losing Clyde he hadn't been thinking straight.

Having changed into his work overalls he'd made his way downstairs, planning on having a cup of tea while he had chance. With Cain visiting Debbie and Ryan on remand in prison he was the only one working at the garage. He'd probably be too busy for a proper break when he did eventually get there. But keeping busy was just what he needed to do right now, it would help take his mind off Clyde.

He hadn't intended to listen in on Paddy's conversation, look where eavesdropping had got him last time! But the older man had had his back to him, and was so engrossed in what he was saying that he'd not heard him enter the kitchen. He'd hovered by the door, becoming increasingly aware that Paddy had been keeping something from him.

He was talking to Maddy, telling her about his suspicions surrounding Clyde's death, going on to reassure her about their safety and finally pleading with her not to let Gary McFarlane succeed in his attempts to end their relationship.

The older man had sounded upset as he'd ended the call but he didn't care, not right then he didn't.

He watched as Paddy got to his feet, watched him turn around. Seeing the look of horror appear on the older man's face when he realised he'd heard every word he'd said.

"Aaron..."

"When were you going to tell me?"

"When I knew for sure, I've got no proof, it could all be just a coincidence..."

"No! This is the sort of thing Gary McFarlane does, he intimidates people, he hurts them, he does whatever he has to do to get his own way!"

"I'm sorry; I never thought he'd..."

"Sorry! It's Clyde you should be saying that to! He's dead because of you, because of you and that bitch you've been seeing!"

"Don't call her that!"

"I'll call her whatever I fucking like." He saw Paddy bristle, he didn't like him swearing, and certainly not at him.

"No, not in my house you won't!"

He was hurting and he wanted to lash out and hurt the man he blamed for his pain, "She was a slapper when I knew her and she's a slapper now, look how easy it was for you to get into her knickers!"

Paddy was charging towards him now, his face dark with anger, stopping just inches from him to yell in his face, "You nasty, foulmouthed little... Who are you to judge her? The things you've done, the people you've hurt!"

They'd stood there then, exchanging caustic comments and insults, their anger aired in the cruellest of ways. Once the flood gates had opened there was no closing them.

Then had come the moment when he'd wanted so desperately to hit Paddy, to shut him up, to stop the flow of hateful truths. He might well have done too if after he'd balled his hand into a fist, the older man hadn't bellowed right in his face a challenge, and then a reminder of what his anger had had him do to him in the past...

"Well go on then. It wouldn't be the first time would it?"

He'd taken a step back, called Paddy some awful name, channelling his rage through his mouth instead of his fists.

"Get out! Pack your things and get out. I don't want you here and I want nothing more to do with you. I've wasted enough time on you; I've wasted enough energy, and lost more than enough sleep because of you. I now know you weren't worth it."

He'd stared back at Paddy, the older man's words now slowly sinking in, cutting through his anger with their intensity. He turned around, ran up the stairs and into his room...no it wasn't his room anymore, it had just been a room he'd up until that moment rented. He tossed everything he owned into two holdalls, before careering down stairs and outside, slamming the door behind him as he went.

He had no choice but to go to the garage, stowing his stuff behind Cain's desk, out of sight of prying eyes. There'd been no one about as he'd walked down the hill, so there'd been no awkward questions to answer. He didn't want to have to answer any here either.

People would find out soon enough that Paddy had thrown him out, they wouldn't be surprised about that only about how long it had taken him to do it. They'd got used to Paddy taking his side, defending him. Just like he'd defended him to Edna Birch that first day he'd had Clyde. The Alsatian had barked at her dog, well he'd probable thought it was some kind of hairy rat!

Edna had kicked up a fuss; Paddy had gone round to see her. He didn't know what he'd said to the old crone but she'd been a lot nicer to him after that. Clyde had brought him and Paddy together now it seemed he was going to come between them, well not him but what had happened to him.

He was no longer angry, just hurting badly. He'd lost Clyde and now he'd lost Paddy. He deperately needed to talk to Jackson, he needed to hear the warmth in his voice. He stared at his phone, telling himself it wouldn't be fair to phone him now, to have him worry about him, because that's just what he'd do. He'd text him, tell him to pick him up at the garage rather than at Paddy's as they'd planned. That would be soon enough to tell him about what had happened. In the mean time he could think about how he could get back at Gary McFarlane, he owed Clyde that much at least.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 13

Lunch time had come and gone before he'd realised it, his growling stomach eventually alerting him to the fact it was empty. He'd traipsed up through the village intent on going to the cafe and getting himself a bacon butty. Smithy Cottage loomed above him, impossible to miss, sat as it did on top of the hill. His eyes were drawn mercilessly to the place he'd up until a few hours ago called home. He'd been happy there, it was the first place he'd ever really felt he belonged.

Paddy's car was in the drive, Aaron knew he had afternoon surgery, he did every weekday. A little voice inside of him, the voice of reason, was telling him to go and apologise, to put things right between him and the older man. But a louder voice, a more determined voice, the voice of pride told him to forget all about Paddy, that he was just someone else he'd stupidly allowed himself to get close to, who had then gone on to do the dirty on him. The voice also insisting he didn't want or need Paddy in his life. Maybe he didn't, but he just couldn't stop thinking about him, about the terrible row they'd had.

He'd never seen Paddy that angry, he'd never seen him lose it like that ever before and he'd given him plenty of cause to do so in the past.

He'd been staring up at the surgery door, his thoughts centred on the older man, when it had opened, Paddy coming out through it.

They stared at each other just briefly, Paddy then turning around, turning his back on him to hurry back inside. That had told him all he needed to know. It was confirmation that Paddy really didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

He was just yards from the cafe, but the thought of food suddenly made him feel sick, so he turned on his heels and made his way back down the hill.

As he passed the pub a thought struck him. The last time he'd been there with Jackson, the night he'd told Marlon about Maddy, he'd seen a man he was certain he knew from somewhere. Now he remembered who he was and where he'd seen him before. He was a bouncer at one of McFarlane's clubs! A bouncer who earned extra money by throwing his weight around off the premises, doing Gary McFarlane's dirty work. He had to have been in Emmerdale checking out Paddy, finding the best way to target him. The bastard wouldn't think twice about killing a dog. If only he'd have remembered who he was that night, maybe he'd have put two and two together and been able to prevent what had happened to Clyde. But at least he now knew who to go after, who to somehow make pay for such a cruel death.

He'd made himself a cup of tea once back at the garage, he might not be hungry anymore but he was thirsty. Downing that as quick as he could he returned to the car he'd been working on. Another half hour or so and he'd have that finished and then he could move on to something else. That job should have been done by now, but with his thoughts continually straying on to other things he was getting nowhere fast where work was concerned.

His mind was on Jackson now, not that he was ever very far from his thoughts. He was wondering how to tell him about his and Paddy's set-to. Jackson truly hated arguments and upset, he hated things to be off-kilter and right now life where he was concerned had been turned upside down.

Although he desperately wanted to see him, to feel the warmth of his arms around him and know the comfort he always found there. He knew he'd not like Jackson's reaction to his news...another thought hit him out of the blue...Jackson had to have known about Paddy's suspicions. He'd talked to Paddy that morning, asked him about the conversation he'd overheard. No wonder he'd insisted he listened to Paddy, to give him chance to explain. But why hadn't he told him? Why had he kept it from him? Paddy had been in no hurry to tell him either so just when would he have found out?

He was angry at Jackson now, hurt he'd kept something so very important from him. He was again tempted to phone him, but it wasn't the sort of conversation you could have on the phone. He'd just have to wait until he came to pick him up.

By the time Jackson did arrive, just an hour later, he was spoiling for an argument. He'd really worked himself up in that short space of time.

He was on the phone ordering some parts when the familiar blue van pulled up on the roadside. By the time he'd finished doing that Jackson had joined him inside the garage, leaning against the desk and smiling at him, unsuspecting of the anger felt towards him, but not for long.

"You knew!"

"What?"

"You knew about Gary McFarlane. You knew Paddy thought he was responsible for what had happened to Clyde but you didn't tell me, why?"

Jackson struggled to take in what he'd just heard, and the angry way it had been delivered, "Paddy thinks McFarlane poisoned Clyde? No I didn't know that!" It hadn't occurred to him eother, maybe it should have done but it hadn't. "I just knew it was McFarlane you'd overhead Paddy and Maddy talking about. Paddy said he was going to make it difficult for the two of them but it never clicked that McFarlane was responsible for Clyde's death."

"Well he was, he had one of his men do it."

"How do you know?"

He gave Jackson his reasons then, and was disappointed by his response.

"But that's not proof, it could just be a coincidence."

"You're sounding like Paddy now!"

There was something in the scathing way he'd said Paddy's name that told Jackson something had happened between Aaron and the older man, "What's happened? You and Paddy haven't fallen out over this have you?"

Suddenly all the anger all the fight drained out of him, he wished it had just been a falling out. A falling out was something that happened over something and nothing, something you forgot all about in an hour or two. He and Paddy often fell out, but they were always back to being the best of friends before nightfall. But not this time, this hadn't been just any row, it wasn't something they could just forget about. Something had been broken today, something he was certain could never be mended.

"I said some awful things. I wanted to hit him, I almost did. He hates me now... and I hate him!"

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 14

Jackson had listened silently to Aaron detail his and Paddy's argument, unable to believe how ugly it had turned. Still hate was too strong a word, completely the wrong word for what they were feeling towards each other right now. They were both angry and hurt and disappointed in the other man and might not like each other very much at the moment, but no way did they hate each other.

Aaron had looked so lost, childlike almost as he'd told him how Paddy had ordered him to get out. He'd reached out and wrapped his arms around Aaron then, the need to comfort him even stronger than it was that morning or the night before. Aaron had let him but there were no tears this time, just a quiet acceptance of what had happened and that had unnerved him.

"He'll be regretting it now..."

"No."

Aaron had pulled away from him then, turning his attention to the work book that lay on the desk, signing for the work that he'd done. Well he might think the conversation was over but it wasn't, far from it in fact. He wasn't prepared to let Aaron let go of what he had with Paddy so easily, "You need to get back up there and talk to him, he'll have calmed down by now just like you have."

"I don't want to talk to him."

"You've got to."

"No."

"I'll talk to him then,"

"No!"

The blue eyes were flashing with anger now, the first show of emotion he'd seen in a little while and for once he welcomed it, it meant the younger man hadn't totally convinced himself that he no longer cared anything about Paddy, "Aaron you can't leave things like they are between you. You and Paddy are..."

/

"There's no me and Paddy, not anymore." Jackson was shaking his head at him now, at what he probably thought was stubbornness. But he wasn't being stubborn, he just knew there was no point talking to Paddy, the man had finally had enough where he was concerned and he didn't blame him. He'd accepted it. Jackson was going to have to do the same.

"Aaron please..."

"No. He knows where I am. If he wants to talk to me he can but I'm telling you now he won't want to."

Jackson heaved a weary sigh, he hadn't given up he was just shutting up on that particular matter for now. "Are you going to be much longer."

"An hour tops." He couldn't wait to get away, he had something to do, not that he could tell Jackson what he was planning to do that evening.

"Have you eaten? Cos I haven't."

"No."

"Right well I'll go get us something from the cafe..."

"Don't you go sneaking up to Paddy's behind my back!"

"I wasn't going to!" He had every intention of doing just that and wasn't averse to telling a little white lie to cover his tracks.

/

Like Aaron, Jackson's eyes had been drawn to Smithy Cottage, he'd always thought of it as Aaron's home. He'd been made to feel at home there too. The first time he'd met Paddy he thought he was his father, he'd acted and sounded like he was. He'd later been disappointed to find out Paddy wasn't Aaron's dad, especially when he found out about his real father, how he'd thrown him out. It seemed history was repeating itself. The circumstances were different of course, but he was certain this time around such rejection would have even more of an impact on Aaron.

He made his way into the cafe, planning on ordering some sandwiches, and while Brenda busied herself making them he was going to nip up to Paddy's. But he found himself able to kill two birds with one stone. Paddy was in the cafe, staring morosely into a mug of tea.

The older man was clearly in a world of his own, a nightmarish one by the looks of it and not surprising considering everything that had happened. He sat down opposite him at the table. "Paddy?" He had to say the name again and a little louder before he got a response.

"Sorry what?"

The blue eyes were troubled, Paddy's face etched with strain.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes. Yes I'm fine."

"You don't look it. Look it's none of my business but... well actually I think it is my business because I care about both of you. Aaron's just told me you and him had words."

Paddy shook his head ruefully, "We had more than words!"

"Yeah, and he's sorry, he's a mess just like you are. You two mean too much to each other to let something like this come between you. Talk to him..."

"I don't want to talk him."

Aaron had said the exact same thing and with the same tone of finality and it again troubled Jackson, "Do you mean not just now or not ever?"

"The way I'm feeling right now, not ever."

"Paddy you don't mean that! I know you don't."

"Jackson he came so close to hitting me again today and worse still I...I came even closer to hitting him! That's not healthy, it's not right. I think we need to put some space between us."

"That's just going to make things worse."

"Believe me, things can't get any worse between us."

Jackson sat back in his chair, he was loath to leave things this way, maybe if he got Paddy talking about the cause of all the upset he'd thaw a little, be more open to persuasion. "Have you found out anymore about Clyde?"

"The lab phoned earlier, with one result, the others will take a few days. But it's definitely a case of poisoning."

"And Maddy thinks her ex is responsible?"

"She's convinced he is. She's so terrified of what he'll do next that she...she dumped me."

He was taken aback by that, but that piece of news might well explain why Paddy had lashed out verbally at Aaron, he'd been overly emotional too, "I'm sorry," He was too, he hardly knew Maddy but he liked her. "She's done it to protect you?"

"So she said and to..."

"And to what?"

"Protect Aaron, she said if he was under my roof he'd be a target too."

"So Maddy thinks if the relationships over then the threat is too?"

"Yes."

"But that's not what you want is it? For it to be over?"

"Of course I don't. She doesn't either but she says there's no other way and right now I can't see any other way around it either."

"What about the police? You're going to involve them aren't you?"

"I don't know. The police would follow up on claims of intimidation but Maddy doesn't think it would be a wise move, not even if I had proof. The McFarlane's won't like the police sniffing round them, not with the sort of things they're involved in. Look what they did to Aaron when they thought he'd talked to the police. I hate the idea of McFarlane getting away with what they did to Clyde, for him coming between me and Maddy but I don't know what I can do about it." He felt his hands were tied, he was scared someone was going to get hurt, Aaron maybe even Maddy, he knew he couldn't protect them against the likes of the McFarlane's. Better he distance himself from them both for now at least.

Jackson shook his head helplessly, he didn't know what the answer was either but he was ceratin the problem would only be made worse by the fact Paddy and Aaron had turned their backs on each other.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 15

"You took your time; my stomach's started to eat itself." Aaron grumbled taking the paper bag containing his sandwiches from Jackson's outstretched hand.

"The cafe was busy..." Jackson paused before adding more softly "...and Paddy was there." Aaron reacted more or less as he'd expected to that bit of news, he eyed him questioningly. It was obvious the younger man wanted to know what had been said but wasn't wanting to come right out and ask because that would look like he cared, and he was doing his damndest to convince himself, and him too for that matter that he didn't care about Paddy anymore. Well he was more than happy to tell him, he'd do anything and everything to get through to him, Aaron needed Paddy in his life, and Paddy needed him, especially now. "He's hurting just as much as you are. Maybe even more. Not only has he lost you and Clyde, he lost Maddy today too."

"What?"

Taking a few steps nearer to his boyfriend so they were standing just inches apart Jackson went on to explain, "She's scared of what her ex will do next. She's so terrified that Paddy or you will get a good kicking or worse, that she broke up with him."

"It's a bit late for her to be concerned, Clyde's dead!" Aaron knew his dog would be alive now if she'd not entered their lives.

Aaron wasn't going to give an inch where Maddy was concerned and although Jackson could understand his stance he neither liked nor agreed with it, "Aaron..."

"And she's stupider than she looks if she thinks that's the end of it." Aaron interrupted scornfully, it wasn't over, not for him it wasn't anyway.

"Well it should be the end of it!" Jackson wanted to believe it was, "Paddy's reluctant to involve the police so..."

"No, there's no point..." Aaron was in total agreement there, "...they won't do anything! McFarlane's probably got most of them on his payroll. But he's not getting away with what he did, no way!"

"What do you mean by that?" Jackson's blood ran cold, scared of what Aaron was intimating at.

"He's going to pay for what he did." Aaron stated vehemently, he hadn't wanted Jackson getting wind of his intentions but the cat was out the bag now.

Jackson shook his head in disbelief. "No! You wouldn't be so bloody stupid as to think of getting back at McFarlane?"

"He killed Clyde!" He'd killed his dog and he'd make sure the man responsible got what he deserved; no one else would or could.

"But we don't know that for sure and even if he did, what the hell do you think you can do against the likes of him?"

"Something! Anything! Like I said, he's not getting away with it."

There was a steely determination shining in Aaron's eyes, a stubbornness Jackson knew he had no hope of defeating with reasoning, but maybe there was another way to get through to him and stop things getting out of control. "Alright. If you're that determined I'll help you. What are you planning on doing?"

"What?"

The horrified look on Aaron's face was exactly what he'd wanted to see and encouraged by it Jackson continued, "I'll help you get even with Gary McFarlane if that's what you want to do."

"No!" He didn't want Jackson involved; he didn't want him getting hurt.

"He doesn't know me does he; I could walk right up to him and..."

"No fucking way are you messing with McFarlane! You keep away from." Aaron thundered at the older man, fear fuelling his anger.

"Why?"

"Because he'll end up hurting you."

Jackson shrugged, "So! It doesn't matter..."

"Of course it fucking does..."

"It matters to you?"

"Yeah, of course it does. "Aaron exclaimed shocked by Jackson's question, "I don't want you getting hurt..."

"I don't want you getting hurt either but it doesn't matter how I feel does it?"

"What?"

"It's alright for you to go do something stupid and risk getting your fool head caved in but not me! I'm expected to just sit back and let you get on with it. It doesn't matter if I'm left worrying about what could happen to you. My feelings, my fears for you don't matter do they?"

"Of course they do."

"Then let this thing with McFarlane drop, keep away from him..."

"What just let him get away with what he did to Clyde?"

"If that's what it takes to stop the situation getting any uglier then yes. Hit back at him and you know damn well he'll retaliate in some way. If not you someone you care about will end up getting hurt, and that would be even harder to live with wouldn't it?"

"Jackson I can't just do nothing..."

"But you wouldn't be doing nothing! You'd just be dealing with what happened in a different way, a better way, the right way. No one would get hurt and you wouldn't end up in any trouble. You'd be rising above it not sinking to McFarlane's level, you're better than that Aaron, we both know that."

eeeee

He was standing in the bus shelter, sheltering from the biting wind. The bus was supposedly due at eight but eight had come and gone and he was still waiting for it to turn up. He had nothing to occupy his mind as he stood there in the darkness and so his thoughts went repeatedly over recent events.

As hard as it was he'd left McFarlane well alone, for Jackson's sake he'd put what had happened to Clyde behind him. He'd had to, Jackson loved him and because of the love he felt for him in return he had to respect that fact.

Everyone seemed to think him moving in with Jackson was just them taking the next step in their relationship, Paddy hadn't let on to anyone that he'd thrown him out, although people must have noticed by now that things weren't right between them, but if they had no one had commented as yet. His mam was away with Katie which meant she was for now unaware of what had gone on. Ryan was due in court, and Cain seemed more than a little preoccupied with that. Village interest and gossip was centred on the murder trial too so his and Paddy's 'fall out' was seemingly going unnoticed, much to his relief. He didn't want anyone sticking their nose into what was their business, whether they were well meaning or not.

Jackson hadn't given up on the two of them though; he made a point of seeing Paddy, calling on him, checking on him. According to him the older man always asked after him, and no doubt Jackson told Paddy he asked about him too. But that was as far as it went, they had no contact with each other and he knew it was for the best.

Jackson had dropped a bit of a bombshell the beginning of the week though. He'd picked him up from work and told him that he'd been to see Paddy on the way, and that the older man had mentioned that he and Maddy were seeing each other again but in secret this time.

He'd seen her car outside Paddy's a few days later, so it wasn't that secretive and despite him showing indifference to Jackson's news he was really worried for Paddy. He'd been losing sleep over him for weeks and the latest development had him lose even more. Telling himself not to dwell on the older man now he forced his thoughts back to the garage.

Cain was putting little time in at the garage, he kept disappearing and he was left to pick up the slack, working late most nights. Jackson had plenty of work on too so he didn't mind the extra hours or the extra cash, he was saving for a car, he didn't like being so dependent on lifts from Jackson.

This particular night though Jackson was off out with some old friends and having worked late yet again he was having to catch the bus back to Hotton.

He was cold and hungry and fed up of waiting now, his spirits sinking even lower when he saw Maddy's car pull up outside Smithy Cottage. Paddy's car wasn't there, he was probably out on a call but she'd let herself in anyway.

Just minutes later another car rounded the corner, parking just behind Maddy's. Unseen he watched the driver get out, the Smithy's outside light illuminating the man's face. He recognised him immediately, it was McFarlane's heavy, the one he'd seen in the Woolpack, the one he believed responsible for poisoning Clyde.

From the darkness he watched him stride towards the cottage, his heart thundering ever faster in his chest as anger rose up inside of him. But only when the man opened the door and stepped inside did he move, breaking into a run, he too making for Smithy Cottage's front door.

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 16

Music and friendly chatter bounced off the walls surrounding him. He hadn't heard his phone ring because of the all-encompassing noise but had thought he'd felt it vibrate in his hip pocket. By the time he'd retrieved it from its place of safety to check it, the caller had rung off. According to the message flashing on the screen he'd missed not one but two calls, and he immediately pressed the key that would tell him who it was wanting to get a hold of him. He'd half expected to see Aaron's name and so was surprised and a little disappointed to see Paddy's. Before he had chance to return the call, his mobile was ringing again, Paddy's name once more flashing up at him.

"Hi Paddy..." The older man's words instantly knocked the smile off his face, sobering him up like no amount of black coffee could. "I'll be right there."

He'd given the briefest of explanations to his friends and quickly made for the club's exit, sprinting to the taxi rank and jumping in the nearest available vehicle.

He only wanted to go to the other side of town and the driver had taken him the quickest way, the journey lasting barely more than five minutes but they were the longest five minutes of Jackson's life. Hurriedly paying the driver he then ran in through the doors of the Accident & Emergency Department of Hotton General.

He quickly scanned the large waiting area and finding no sign of Paddy joined the small queue of people waiting to speak to one of the two women stationed behind the reception counter, he hoped he'd get the information he needed there.

As he waited in line he grew increasingly impatient and kept looking around the room, willing Paddy to appear. At one point he noticed a policeman enter a room at the very far end of the waiting area, the officer held a plastic cup containing a hot beverage in his hand. He thought nothing more of his presence until a few minutes later when he heard Paddy call his name. Turning in the direction of his voice he realised the older man was standing just inside the room the policeman had recently entered, in his hand a plastic cup, so he'd been the one in need of a warming drink.

Even from that distance Jackson could see how distressed Paddy was. His face pale and drawn, he seemed to have aged a good few years since he'd last seen him just the day before. His sense of alarm grew, something was very wrong. His heart racing he hurried to Paddy's side, the older man then ushered him into the room, closing the door firmly behind them.

The police officer had been sitting down, notebook in hand, he'd obviously been questioning Paddy but had got to his feet on seeing him. Jackson had acknowledged him with a nod of the head before turning to face his friend, "You said Aaron was hurt, how? How bad is it?" As he'd waited for Paddy to answer he noticed his clothes were heavily bloodstained, he gestured at the nauseating sight wanting an explanation for that too, "Paddy?"

"Aaron's been stabbed, he's in theatre now."

"Stabbed?" He suddenly realised whose blood it was he was looking at and began shaking his head from side to side, vehemently protesting against too ugly a truth, "No! No you're wrong."

"I wish to God I was." Paddy's voice faltered betraying his emotions.

"But he's going to be alright?" Of course he would be, Jackson insisted silently to himself, Aaron was one tough nut. He'd be fine, he had to believe that.

"They don't know, they just said they'd do all they could."

That wasn't what he'd wanted to hear and so he pushed the worrying uncertainty to the back of his mind. He then eyed the policeman questioningly forcing a quiet "Who?" and "Why?" passed his dry lips, he was suddenly desperate to make some sense of what he'd been told.

"There was some sort of an altercation at Mr Kirk's home, a fight between Mr Livesy and another man. A Miss Madeleine James was present also..."

"Maddy?" Turning his attention back to Paddy, Jackson asked "Where is she? Is she hurt too?"

Paddy could only shake his head; his legs were threatening to give way now so he sank heavily into a chair. He was struggling with it all, he couldn't think past Aaron and the very real possibility of losing him.

"She's badly shaken but uninjured..."The police officer explained, "...she's being questioned at the station."

"This other man, who is he?" Jackson demanded.

"We don't have a name."

"Have you arrested him?"

"Unfortunately he was pronounced dead at the scene."

"Dead!" Jackson looked to Paddy, he'd tell him differently surely.

Like him, Jackson was desperate for answers but he didn't have any, "I don't know what happened; when I got there it was all over. Maddy was hysterical, Aaron was... I tried but I couldn't stop the bleeding..."

Jackson couldn't help but imagine the scene, the horror of it all sapping his strength, turning his legs to jelly. He dropped down into the chair beside Paddy, and suddenly he had but one thought going around and around in his head and that was that Aaron had to have been scared, he hated the thought of that but he needed to know all the same, "Did he say anything?"

"He was unconscious."

He'd like to have believed that was for the best, that it meant Aaron hadn't been in any pain, but he knew that such a loss of consciousness was an indication of just how seriously he was hurt.

The police officer's radio suddenly crackled into life breaking the brooding silence, excusing himself he quickly left the room.

Jackson watched him go, then turned to Paddy again, "Did you see this other man?"

Paddy nodded and then shivered uncontrollably, he'd had to step over his body to get to Aaron, "I don't know who he was but..."

"But what?"

"I think we both know why he was there."

"Because of Maddy?"

"It has to be, it has to be down to McFarlane! I'm so sorry Jackson. Aaron's here, he's fighting for his life because of me."

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 17

Jackson knew how easy it was to own the blame for the unpleasant and unthinkable things that happened in life, even for the things that were out of your control. It seemed everyone had an innate need to apportion such blame and sometimes it was easier to lay it at your own doorstep and punish yourself than point the finger elsewhere.

He didn't believe for one minute that Paddy was responsible for what had happened to Aaron, Paddy had done nothing wrong in his eyes, but right now the older man was in shock and hurting and wasn't seeing things clearly. But despite everything he was, and he knew he was going to have to be strong for both Aaron and Paddy now.

"None of this is your fault. If it does have something to do with McFarlane then he's the one responsible, him and whoever it is laying dead in the morgue right now." He truly believed that, and if Paddy was thinking rationally right now he would too. The older man didn't seem to have heard a word he'd said; he was staring blankly at the door, lost in thought. "Paddy?"

"I kept telling him that he'd be alright, I promised him he would be. I told him I wouldn't leave him. But they wouldn't let me stay with him; they wouldn't let me see him before they took him to theatre..."

"You did everything you could, you couldn't have done anymore." Jackson insisted, he hadn't been there but he knew Paddy and so was certain that was the case.

Paddy knew differently, "I could have told him I was sorry, that I hadn't meant what I'd said. I could have told him I wanted him home. I could have...should have told him that I loved him because it might have been the last chance I had..."

"Don't talk like that!" Jackson snapped. They had to stay positive. He had to try and get Paddy's mind on to other things. "Does Chas know?"

That one question managed to drag Paddy up from the depths of his own personal hell, "Her phone kept going to voicemail, I've left message after message, I've told her she needs to get the first plane home."

"What about Cain?" He was the next in line family wise or so Jackson thought.

"I can't get hold of him; Charity doesn't know where he is either. Lisa and Zak are at a Dingle knees up somewhere, but she's going to try and get hold of them. They'd want to be here, especially now Shadrach's gone, not that he was ever there for Aaron..." Paddy snorted scathingly, "...like I have any right to judge him after what I did..."

"Paddy you've got to stop this, Aaron wouldn't want you beating yourself up about what happened. You were both upset that day, you both said things you wouldn't have said otherwise, things you didn't mean..."

"After everything I said about Gordon Livesy it turns out I'm no better than he is."

"That's not true..."

"I've called him..." Paddy interrupted remembering the brief and difficult conversation he'd had with Aaron's father earlier, "... I thought he should know, I thought he might want to be here." He eyed Jackson steadily; expecting some sort of protest from the younger man, but he should have known better, true to form Jackson was being his fair-minded self.

He'd nodded his understanding at Paddy, although he felt sure Aaron wouldn't be as agreeable to the older man's actions. "Is he coming in?"

"Yes."

The door had opened then and both men had looked in its direction, hoping they were about to hear news of Aaron, but no.

'Talk of the devil' Paddy thought to himself as he stood up to greet Gordon Livesy.

Jackson had guessed who the stranger was immediately, he could see Aaron in him, they had the same eyes, the same jaw line. Like Paddy he got to his feet, ready as he ever would be to meet the man who had let Aaron down so very badly. He looked on as the two older men shook hands, Livesy asking "How is he?" and sounding genuinely concerned to his ears at least. It was all very civil so far but he couldn't help but wonder how long that would last. He knew the Dingle clan wouldn't be nearly so welcoming.

"He's still in theatre." Glancing at the young man standing beside him Paddy added, "Gordon this is Jackson, Aaron's boyfriend."

"Hello."

The older man had coupled his quiet greeting with a small smile and had held out his hand, Jackson hesitated only briefly before reaching out for it and shaking it firmly. He didn't know what he'd expected from the older man but it hadn't been that.

"Were you with Aaron?"

"No." He felt a pang of guilt then, realising for the first time that if Aaron had been out getting bladdered with him the stabbing would never have happened.

"Was it some street fight? Gang related?"

"No! Aaron's not a member of any gang!" Jackson stated incredulously, where'd he get that ridiculous notion from?

"Sorry. I'm just trying to get my head around it. When Paddy said he'd been stabbed I...well you hear about these gangs and knowing Aaron..."

"You don't know him, that's just it! If you did you wouldn't for one minute think like that!" He was in Gordon Livesy's face now, glaring at him, not liking what he saw, seeing the man's true colours, seeing what Aaron had seen a few years back, a man all too quick to think the worst of his own son. He felt Paddy's hand on his chest, the older man easing him backwards and stepping between him and the cause of his anger, insisting he calm down. He turned away and walked over to look out through the room's one small window, he didn't want to have to look at Livesy a minute longer.

"I'm sorry." Gordon's gaze moved between Paddy and Jackson, "Maybe me being here isn't such a good idea. If you want me to leave I will."

Jackson didn't trust himself to answer that question and so ignored it, he'd let Paddy decide the matter and then abide with his decision like it or not.

"I think that needs to be your decision." Paddy stated resuming his seat.

"Then I'll stay, at least until I know he's ok."

Paddy nodded, despite the unpleasantness he didn't regret letting Gordon know about his son, the fact he'd come to the hospital told him he cared about Aaron, and Aaron could only benefit from knowing that.

Taking a seat opposite Paddy, Gordon asked, "Do you have any idea of what happened? Why it happened?"

Paddy shrugged, he knew nothing for sure, except that Aaron was the innocent victim in all of this, his father should be made aware of that fact at least. He explained his suspicions the best he could, unprepared for Gordon's explosive reaction.

"You bloody idiot. You could have prevented this! If you'd gone to the police it wouldn't have happened. My son could die because of you!"

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 18

Paddy let Gordon Livesy's anger filled words go unchallenged, after all everything he'd said was true.

But Jackson's simmering temper had reached boiling point on hearing them , and he stormed over to where the older man was sitting. Glaring down at him he ground out, "Your son? He hasn't been your son in two years! You threw him out remember, you turned your back on him! He sees Paddy as his father now and with good reason. Don't you dare blame him for what's happened, don't you dare blame him for the mindless actions of someone else."

Paddy had gotten to his feet, once again having to intervene. "Jackson, it's alright." It was good of the young man to defend him, and he appreciated it but he had to wonder if his loyalties weren't misplaced this time.

Jackson met Paddy's troubled gaze, "No it's not! He's been here five minutes and he's already done Aaron and you down! What the hell's the matter with him, can't he see we're hurting enough as it is?"

"You're right." Gordon acknowledged as he got to his feet. "I didn't mean to cause anymore upset, I'm not thinking straight, I'm just...well however it might look I'm worried about Aaron too. I just need to know he's alright and when I do I'll go."

"And forget all about him again!" Jackson spat scathingly.

Biting back on a retort he knew would only inflame things still further Gordon looked at Paddy, "I need some fresh air, I won't be long."

Jackson glowered after Livesy, watching the door close behind him, willing him to keep on walking and decide not to come back. He felt Paddy's hand on his arm, realised the older man was talking to him, "Sorry, what?"

"Gordon. He made a lot of mistakes with Aaron but he's not a bad man."

Jackson snorted, maybe not. But he was an idiot, a total knob-head!

They'd sat down again then, ten silence filled minutes later the police officer returned.

"Have you heard anything?" Paddy asked, there must be something he could tell them.

"I have the name of the deceased. A Mark Reynolds. Do either of you recognise that name?"

"No." The two men said in unison.

"We believe he worked for Gary McFarlane, Miss James' ex-husband."

With his suspicions now confirmed Paddy hung his head; he truly hated himself right now.

The policeman had asked if he could continue with his questioning and Paddy had agreed, Jackson had sat quietly beside him for the next half hour then deciding they could all do with a drink he excused himself and went in search of a vending machine.

He'd spied Gordon in the main waiting room, sitting forlornly in a quiet corner. He'd obviously decided it was best to keep his distance with emotions running so high. Well he at least had calmed down now, he wasn't seeing red anymore, and knew that it was wrong for the people who cared about Aaron to be at each other's throats. It wasn't helping Aaron, and it was only adding to their burden.

Sweet tea seemed the obvious choice and so with two plastic cups filled to the brim with the very stuff he made his way over to Gordon Livesy. Holding the peace offering out to him he awaited his reaction.

"Thanks." Gordon readily accepted the drink so too the gesture behind it.

Jackson eased himself down into the next chair, "I love your son Mr Livesy, I make no apologies for defending him or those that love and care about him. I'd like to think that in your own way you care about him too..."

"I do." Gordon insisted.

"Then for his sake we need to try and get on."

Nodding his agreement Gordon asked, "Do you think he'll want to see me?"

Jackson shrugged, "I don't know, he won't understand you being here."

"No. I'd like to try and ..." Breaking off midsentence on seeing a nurse enter the room Paddy was waiting in, he got to his feet, "Look. Maybe she knows something."

eeee

'Stable but still critically ill!' Jackson repeated the nurse's summing up of Aaron's condition to himself. Stable was good wasn't it? But critically ill wasn't, that meant he could still die!

She'd told them he was out of theatre and being transferred to Intensive Care, that they could see him once they had him settled, to give them half an hour and then make their way over there. She hadn't been able to tell them anything more but had promised the doctor would speak to them very shortly.

Now they were waiting for the seemingly endless half hour to pass.

Twenty minutes in Jackson was getting to his feet, "I can't wait any longer."

But as the two older men stood up a knock came on the door and a doctor dressed in theatre blues stepped into the room.

After introducing himself, he sat down asking them to do so too. He detailed the extent of Aaron's injuries then, telling them the knife used had missed his heart by little more than a centimetre. It had though nicked a major blood vessel, and also punctured a lung, causing blood to collect there and inhibit his breathing. They had managed to repair all the damage, had inserted a chest drain and were giving him blood to replace what he had lost. Because there was a danger of infection they were also giving him intravenous antibiotics.

The doctor said he was as happy as he could be with his patient at the moment, but while he was so ill he wanted to keep him sedated and on a ventilator, the machine would breathe for him.

He then asked if they had any questions, they had all wanted to know the same thing. The doctor had been able to assure them to a point; but had had to warn them there was a possibility of complications which might just endanger Aaron's life. He left them then, and they sat silently absorbing his words.

Five minutes later the need to see Aaron was again overwhelming and Jackson silently led the way to his bedside.

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 19

He'd actually felt a physical pain on seeing Aaron, like he'd been struck a blow to the chest. It had taken his breath away, for despite what the doctor and the nurses had told them, he just hadn't been prepared for what had met his eyes.

His face had been so very pale, drained of all colour except where stained with the vivid hues of bruising, all of which looked to have been brutally inflicted. Up until then he hadn't realised Aaron had taken a beating too!

He lay so still, and he looked so helpless and he truly was. Tubes, wires and machines were keeping him alive.

It had hurt so much to see him like that, and it had terrified him too. He'd desperately wanted to hold him in his arms but was scared to even touch him, gripped by the irrational fear that if he did he might just break. But then need had overwhelmed him, and had had him reach out to wrap his hand gently around the younger man's. He'd found it warm and so very familiar and it had felt right for it to be resting in his.

He'd quickly gained courage, found his inner strength. He hadn't been able to kiss him on the lips, and he'd so wanted to, but the breathing tube didn't allow for such contact. Still he'd been determined to show the love he felt for him and had dropped a gentle kiss on his cheek, going on to softly assure him, "I'm here, and I'll be here when you wake up."

Still tightly holding onto Aaron's hand he'd sat down in a chair next to the bed, his eyes drawn to and captivated by the steady rise and fall of his chest, that and the regular bleeps of the monitors he was attached to offering him some measure of reassurance.

For a while, for the best part of the night in fact, he'd tried to distance himself from everyone else around him. He couldn't cope with their pain and fears as well as his own.

The ever present nurse had requested there just to be two of them sat at the bedside, there was already so much paraphernalia surrounding Aaron and they needed speedy and easy access to him should there be an emergency.

He'd been vaguely aware of the comings and goings. He'd look up and see Paddy and the next time his gaze wandered from the occupant of the bed, it would be Gordon sitting opposite him. Marlon had smiled reassuringly over at him on one occasion. At some point during the night he'd realised Cain was there, the hard man hadn't looked so tough right then, his face anxious, his dark eyes troubled and fixed unblinkingly on his nephew, even he more than a little scared by what he saw.

He'd later been surprised to see Chas, he'd had no idea she'd arrived back in the country let alone was at the hospital. She was tearful but fairly composed as she told her son how much she loved him.

She'd looked over at him then, vehemently nodding her head and telling him confidently, "He'll be alright."

He'd nodded his agreement, the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat preventing him from speaking. Of course Aaron would be alright! He had to be alright. There was no other acceptable option.

Blood, and other essential fluids had dripped endlessly into Aaron's arm, they had to get his blood count back up to normal and prevent dehydration. As determined as nursing staff were to ensure that, someone was equally as determined he wouldn't dry out either! A hot beverage was regularly being pressed into his hand, he'd murmur his thanks to the tall figure standing behind him and lifting the plastic cup to his lips would drink obediently, not registering the taste but welcoming its warmth as it spread through him.

Consequently he'd had to leave Aaron eventually, intent on making the briefest of visits to the little boy's room. He had to pass the family room and knew that was where everyone else was sitting and waiting for news. He'd had no intentions of going in, but as he'd made his way back to Aaron he'd heard raised voices.

He really didn't need this, not right now, and it would have been so easy to just walk away and leave them to it. But Aaron cared about these people, he wouldn't want them fighting over him. He was all too painfully aware that he could do little to help Aaron right now, and so told himself he could at least try and help keep his family together.

Silence had fallen around the room the instant he'd walked in, the atmosphere was unbearably tense, anger evident on the face of one of the three men present.

"What's going on?" He demanded as his gaze settled on Cain. Aaron's uncle was glaring menacingly at Paddy. Zak Dingle was standing between the two men, his bulk seemingly needed to keep the two of them apart, to keep the younger man from laying into the other.

"Just a misunderstanding lad, nowt for you worry about." Zak assured him as he forcibly steered his irate son over to the door and out through it.

"Paddy?" Were the Dingles blaming him for what had happened to Aaron too?

"I think I should go."

It seemed they were, "No! Aaron would want you here. He'll want to see you before any one of them, I know it and you know it."

"Once maybe, not anymore."

He'd moved to block the doorway, he had to prevent Paddy from leaving and his words seemed so far to be falling on deaf ears, he wasn't ready to give up though, "What do I tell him when he asks where you are?"

"He won't."

He could only shake his head, he knew different but how did he get through to the guilt ridden man standing before him.

"It's going to hurt him you not being there."

"No."

"Paddy please. You know what they said, They're going to start weaning him off that machine today, they'll wake him up and if you're not there when he opens his eyes he really will be believe you've stopped caring about him, that you don't love him." There would be no way back for the two of them then.

He knew the older man had heard him, but his words appeared to have had no effect because Paddy had just eased past him and then walked away.

TBC


	20. Chapter 20

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 20

Every time the door opened Jackson would turn around hoping to see Paddy walk in to the room, he refused to believe the man had walked away from Aaron for good.

It seemed Cain had run Gordon Livesy off too; he'd apparently left after having words with the younger man. He didn't really care if Gordon was there or not but it mattered to him that Paddy was because he knew just how much it would mean to Aaron.

It was early afternoon now, and Aaron was slowly rousing from the depths of a drug induced sleep, it would take him a while to fully surface and they were all waiting impatiently for him to do so. At the first sign of him trying to breathe on his own, to fight against the tube in his throat it was to be removed.

They'd been asked to wait outside when that time had come, but they'd been called back in the minute the procedure had been carried out. Aaron could open his eyes any time now and they wanted to be there when he did.

Chas was constantly in and out, restless and uncomfortable in his presence since he'd given both her and her family a mouthful earlier in the day.

He'd coldly reminded them that they'd all at some point turned their back on Aaron, all had in one way or another let him down. He'd perhaps a little too cruelly told them that it was Paddy Aaron trusted the most, Paddy he saw as family first and foremost, him he saw and loved as a father. Aaron needed him but because of them he wasn't there. He'd maybe gone a bit too far when he told them Aaron would hate them for that. But at that moment in time he really hadn't cared.

Aaron was starting to get a little restless now, shifting in the bed, causing an alarm on one of the monitors to sound as a wire became disconnected.

Jackson had stood up then, pulling back the sheet for the nurse as she reattached the stray lead.

He'd been aware of movement behind him, of someone else entering into the room but his attention was fully on Aaron now. He'd seen his eyelids flicker, was willing them to open, wanting desperately to see his blue eyes again. He wanted them looking back at him.

"Aaron?" He coaxed gently and got his wish.

Although his eyes were open he knew Aaron was struggling to focus. They fluttered shut again and although only mere seconds it seemed an eternity before they opened once more.

He knew Aaron could see him now, but there was confusion in the blue depths, and the troubled gaze moved from his face, taking in the monitors and drips, the clinical surroundings.

"It's alright," Jackson soothed, gripping Aaron's hand a little tighter. "You're doing fine; you'll be out of here in no time."

That seemed to have reassured him but then Jackson saw his face cloud over again, something else worrying him now.

"Maddy?"

He hadn't been expecting that, he didn't think Aaron would remember what had happened, had hoped he wouldn't. His voice sounded hoarse, Jackson knew that was a result of the breathing tube, it was also weak, a reminder to him of how ill Aaron had been and still was.

"She's fine." That was all he could tell him, it was all he knew.

Aaron had looked relieved, his gaze then moving to the side of the bed, to the empty chair. Jackson knew what was coming now, the moment he'd been dreading,

"Where's Paddy?"

The hope, the belief in Aaron's voice had all but broke his heart

He'd slowly turned around, for some reason he'd thought Cain was the last to come through the door. He wanted to see his reaction to Aaron's question, wondered if he'd skulk away when he tried his best to answer him. But it wasn't Cain standing behind him, hovering anxiously near the door.

Turning back to Aaron he said, "He's right here." He'd moved aside then, letting Paddy step close to the bed, watching him smile down at the younger man, who as Paddy had wrapped his hand around his, had drifted back to sleep.

Later, with Chas now at the bedside, he and Paddy had made their way to the family room. It was empty as Jackson had hoped. Paddy had earlier seen Maddy; she'd told him what had taken place the night before. They hadn't wanted to discuss it in front of Aaron; although he seemed asleep he might be aware of what was going on around him.

"This Reynolds had followed Maddy into mine, was threatening her, becoming violent. Aaron must have seen him go in because suddenly he was there, defending her, trying to protect her. He didn't stand a chance against a man like that. Maddy said he'd always been a head case, that he was capable of anything. Well at some point he pulled a knife, used it on Aaron and was about to use it again, so she picked up the thing nearest to her, the iron she thinks... and hit him with it, the police suspect that that blow to the head is what killed him."

"But she won't be charged with anything will she?" Surely Maddy had only done what was necessary to save Aaron, she hadn't intended on killing Reynolds.

"I don't know, someone mentioned manslaughter to her but they need all the facts, they need to speak to Aaron, and that won't be until he's well enough."

"How is she?"

"A mess! Worried sick about Aaron, horrified that she's killed someone."

"What about McFarlane? What are police doing about him?" They must have arrested him by now, Jackson thought.

"He's denying any involvement, saying Mark Reynolds had a thing for Maddy, that the threats, Clyde's death were all down to him, the police seem to think he might actually be telling the truth."

"Where's Maddy now?"

"She had to go back to the police station for more questioning."

"If she needs you there then..."

"No."

"Paddy you and her..."

"There isn't a me and Maddy anymore..."

"Is that you saying that or her?" Neither of them was thinking clearly right now, neither one of them was capable of making such a decision.

"No one's said anything, there's no need, we both know it's over, it has to be."

TBC


	21. Chapter 21

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 21

There it was again, the endless bleep bleep of the machine next to his bed. The noise was the first thing he heard when he woke up, the last thing he heard before falling asleep. Couldn't they switch the damn thing off?

He was aware of other sounds around him, some he didn't recognise, some he was sure he was better off not knowing about. He could hear women's voices too, talking quietly, the nurses he supposed. If he opened his eyes he'd find out! But his eyelids felt so heavy, and he was so tired although all he seemed to do was sleep.

He heard a rustle of paper, it sounded close to the bed and he realised someone was sitting beside him. He forced his eyes open, the bright lights making him blink.

It was Paddy he'd heard, head bowed his eyes were focused on a newspaper. Jackson was sitting next to him, chin on his chest, eyes closed, asleep or just dozing probably, he couldn't sleep properly in a hard chair like that, but then maybe he could, he had to be exhausted. He needed to go home, to go to bed and get some proper sleep, they both did.

"Paddy." He'd purposefully whispered, not wanting to disturb Jackson. It had got Paddy's attention; the older man immediately on his feet, setting his paper to one side and stepping close to the bed.

"Do you need anything? A drink?"

"Can you take Jackson home?"

Glancing behind him Paddy said, "He won't go, I've tried telling him he needs some rest but..." Grinning he added "...he's even more stubborn than you!"

He'd missed Paddy's teasing but he wasn't going to think about that now, he didn't like how it made him feel. "He needs to..."

"He won't leave you." Paddy interrupted knowing Jackson wasn't going anywhere until he was certain Aaron would be ok.

He felt a rush of tears and quickly wiped them away; where the hell had they come from?

"Aaron?"

The concern in Paddy's eyes, in his voice caused another crop of tears and once again he had to wipe at his eyes, but he just couldn't stop them from falling.

The nurse had said to expect the emotion, along with frustration and maybe even anger as Aaron's condition slowly improved. Paddy knew it was best to just let the tears fall, so he stood silently holding the younger man's hand until he was back in control.

"When can I come home?" Like the tears he didn't know where that question had come from and he immediately wished he hadn't asked it. He didn't want Paddy thinking he meant Smithy cottage. He just wanted out of this place.

"When you're well enough."

What sort of an answer was that? Would that be in two days? Ten? Twenty? He'd go mad stuck in here! Annoyed now at his predicament he pulled his hand free of Paddy's and reached for what was irritating him the most at the moment, the tube in his chest.

"No! Don't touch that."

Paddy had caught hold of his hand, stopping it from reaching its goal, and telling him off like he was a little kid reaching for something hot. Had he forgotten he didn't look out for him anymore?

He snatched his hand away again, angry at the older man now, "Just go will ya and leave me alone!"

"Aaron!" Jackson had been sat listening to the two men talk, hoping it would lead to them saying the things they still needed to say to each other. But suddenly it was all going pear shaped, Aaron was pushing the older man away. What had got into him? Getting to his feet he stepped around to the other side of the bed. "What is it? What's wrong?"

He could only shake his head because he didn't know. Maybe it was the helplessness he felt, he was so dependent on others. Or maybe it was because there were tubes going into him everywhere he looked, into places they had no right being. And he was attached to machines that if he moved suddenly, an alarm would go off. Weren't they only supposed to sound if his heart stopped beating? Then there was all kinds of stuff dripping into his arm! It scared him and he was too much of a coward to admit that to anyone but himself. There was so much other stuff going round in his head too. He wanted to go home but no one could tell him when that would be. He wasn't even sure what he meant by home, was it Jackson's flat or Paddy's place? He was sure Jackson and his mam had had words, there was definitely something up between them. He wanted to know what had happened to Maddy, and to the bastard who'd stuck a knife between his ribs. But something was telling him not to ask, and no one seemed in any hurry to tell him. Why? Then there was Paddy, he was here but there was a great big invisible wall standing between them, and he didn't know how to knock it down. And he'd just gone and added another layer to it. He knew what to do about that though, looking up at the older man he said, "I don't want you to go."

"I'm not going anywhere." He had no intentions of leaving Aaron, not when he so obviously needed him. But the lad wasn't going to let him back in, not until they'd cleared the air between them, "We need to talk, are you up to it?"

Was he? He didn't know that either, it depended on what Paddy had to say. He wanted things back the way they were, he hadn't thought that possible still wasn't sure it was...well there was only one way to find out, "Yeah."

Jackson had breathed an audible sigh of relief on hearing that then announced he was taking himself off to the hospital cafe, promising to bring Paddy back a hot drink. As he'd made his way along what seemed to be an endless corridor he realised he recognised the man coming towards him, Gordon Livesy. He'd forgotten all about him, and as far as he knew Aaron was unaware his father had spent most of the previous night at the hospital.

"How's he doing?"

"Better, he's awake."

"Good, you must be relieved."

"Yeah." By the look on Gordon's face he wasn't the only one.

"Will he see me?"

"I don't know, Paddy's with him now he's...well its not a good time."

"No."

The older man was doing a good job of pretending he understood his reasoning, he knew he had to offer him something better than that. "How about I ring you later, let you know then?"

Gordon had appeared happy with that and after giving Jackson his number he'd left. The younger man had made for the cafe then and spent the next hour watching the clock, he wasn't sure how much time to give Aaron and Paddy, and he hated being away from Aaron. So after one very long hour passed he got to his feet, got Paddy the tea he'd promised him and made his way back to Intensive Care.

He could see from the doorway that Aaron was asleep, Paddy looked more at ease so things had to have gone well, he wanted confirmation though and so as he handed the older man his tea he asked, "Everything ok?"

Smiling up at him Paddy nodded and added a softly spoken, "Yeah. I haven't told him about his dad yet though, he's not going to be happy I called him!"

Dropping into the chair beside Paddy Jackson began to tell him his news, "I just seen him, he wants to see Aaron..." he paused realising Aaron was awake and looking at the two of them.

"Well I don't want to see him!"

TBC


	22. Chapter 22

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 22

He glared at Paddy letting him know just how annoyed he was with him for calling his dad. That wasn't enough of a protest though, he had to tell him too, "Why'd you call him, you had no right."

"The doctors they...they thought you might..." He couldn't bring himself to say the unthinkable, "...Chas was out the country and..."

"You were here, and Jackson, he didn't need to be here..."

"I thought he'd want to be here and he did! He was here all last night, sitting in this chair. He only left because..."

"Because I woke up! Because I didn't die! I disappointed him again then."

"No! Don't talk like that. He left because Cain made it impossible for him to stay!"

He owed his uncle a pint, two even for getting rid of the tosser. He hated the thought of him sitting there, looking down his nose at him and him not able to do a damn thing about it. Jackson said he'd just seen him, so he'd come back! Jackson? The two of them seemed on friendly terms, "Who does he think you are?"

"Your boyfriend." Jackson stated calmly but before he had chance to tell Aaron the man had had no problem with that the younger man was having another go at Paddy.

"He knows! You told him that too?"

"He already knew! He'd seen the article in the paper. Anyway its common knowledge now isn't it?"

Yes it was, although he wasn't ready to shout it from the rooftops, was never likely to but he was out and happy with Jackson, more than happy. He was far from happy knowing he'd met his dad though. Had they been talking about him? If so what had been said? His father wouldn't have anything good to say about him he knew that!

He didn't want to talk about his dad anymore, he'd wasted enough breath on him. He didn't want to think about him either. He'd push him to the back of his mind like he'd done these past few years. He certainly didn't want to see him, out of sight out of mind!

"I don't want to see him, I don't want him anywhere near me, you tell him that!" He closed his eyes then knowing he'd made his feelings perfectly clear. Neither man had responded to his demands, a short uncomfortable silence had followed broken by Jackson who began to chat quietly with Paddy. He knew they were both avoiding talking about anything that would set him off on one again.

He'd fallen asleep soon after, waking up a few hours later to find only Jackson by his bedside.

"Has Paddy gone home?" Had his earlier rant made him leave?

"No, he's making a few phone calls, to Rhona and your dad."

Jackson was eyeing him thoughtfully now, he was probably wondering if he should push him on his dad, he hoped he wouldn't but knew that wasn't Jackson's way.

"He was worried about you."

Just as he thought, Jackson wasn't going to let it drop that easily. Well he didn't want to know and so ignored the comment.

"Aaron he..."

"What're the police doing about that heavy of McFarlane's?" He knew that would shut Jackson up, he certainly looked uncomfortable now, and he'd forgotten all about his father for now at least.

"They're investigating the matter."

"What aren't you telling me?" He knew there was something, Paddy, his mam, Cain, they were all avoiding talking about it.

Jackson looked towards the door hoping Paddy would walk in through it right about now. They'd decided not to tell Aaron that Reynolds was dead, not until he was a lot stronger. They weren't sure how he'd react.

"Jackson? Maddy is alright isn't she?" He didn't remember much after being stabbed, just that there was a lot of blood, his blood and then this feeling of tiredness, he couldn't keep awake. Anything could have happened to her after he'd passed out.

"Yeah, she's fine."

"Did he get away then?" He must have done and that's what they didn't want him to know.

"No, no he didn't." Jackson was certain it would have been better for all concerned if he had.

"So the police have got him?"

"No, not exactly..." What a stupid thing to say! He was the one big on truth and here was avoiding being honest with Aaron; he couldn't put it off any longer. "He's dead."

"Dead!" He couldn't be, he'd been very much alive the last time he'd seen him. He'd been throwing punch after punch in his direction before pulling a knife. "How?" Oh God he wasn't responsible for that was he? Had he killed him? Was that what no one wanted to tell him? Was that why he'd been so reluctant to ask?

"Maddy. She hit him and they think that's what killed him."

No that couldn't be right! Maddy couldn't punch a hole in a paper bag let alone...he still didn't know everything, Jackson was edging around something. "What happened, tell me I need to know."

Jackson had said he could only tell him what Paddy had told him. Well that was good enough for him. He'd listened intently, soon wishing he'd stayed ignorant of the nightmare.

Maddy had been trying to protect him. Had saved his life but in the process had taken someone else's! How was he supposed to feel about that? How must she be feeling?"

He sank further into the pillows; suddenly he didn't feel well, his stomach churned and there was this nasty taste in his mouth.

"Aaron?"

He reached for a vomit bowl, Jackson getting to it before him, holding it with one hand and supporting him with the other while he retched helplessly. A nurse was soon fussing around him too, injecting something into his drip. He hoped it was something for pain; the heaving was making his chest hurt, the stitches painfully reminding him they were there. Hopefully the medication would knock him out for a few hours, he just wanted to close his eyes and forget what had happened. But he was still awake ten minutes later, he felt better, at least he'd stopped trying to empty his already empty stomach. Opening his eyes he looked at Jackson, he wasn't looking too good either right now, "Sorry."

"Don't be daft!" Jackson squeezed the younger man's hand, "You weren't ready to hear that." He shouldn't have told him, not yet anyway.

Like he'd ever be ready to hear that! But no matter how bad it had made him feel, Maddy had to be feeling a hundred times worse. She had Paddy though, he'd help her through it.

TBC


	23. Chapter 23

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 23

He couldn't believe he was finally going home. Two weeks he'd been in hospital, two very long weeks, the last couple of days he'd been climbing the walls with boredom. But he was just five minutes or so away from Emmerdale now; the car was quickly eating up the miles, just not quick enough.

Paddy was at the wheel, having picked him up. Jackson had been eager to collect him but had told him, "I think Paddy wants to be the one to bring you home." He'd willingly taken a step back, and in more ways than one. Paddy had made it plain that when he was discharged he would be going to no place other than Smithy cottage. It had been his home, the first place he'd truly felt settled and despite everything that had happened there recently, that's where he wanted to go. But he'd been living with Jackson after he and Paddy had argued and he felt torn, he wanted to be with Jackson too. Jackson was all for him going home though, he wanted his and Paddy's relationship to get back to how it was before all the upset and had told him, "I'll be staying at yours most of the time anyway, just like before."

But could things really go back to how they were before?

Paddy was chatting away beside him, telling him about his morning, filling him in on the latest village gossip, in fact in the past half hour he'd talked about almost everything under the sun, everything except Maddy.

He'd somehow managed to get up the courage to ask him about her while he was still in Intensive Care; he'd kicked up such a fuss about Paddy seeing her that he'd felt awkward showing any interest in her now. Paddy had seemed equally as ill at ease and hadn't said much except they weren't seeing each other anymore. He hadn't known what to say to that, he felt sure it was because of what had happened to him, it had to be. Jackson couldn't tell him much more except he was certain Paddy wasn't happy with the decision although it seemed he was equally responsible for making it.

He'd not been able to talk to Paddy about her once he'd been moved to a ward; you couldn't have such a private conversation with five other patients and their visitors all within earshot.

He was regretting being so hostile to Maddy now, to giving Paddy such a hard time about her, and about Clyde's death. No matter his reasons he knew he'd been in the one in the wrong. He'd caused them all a lot of needless heartache.

Now Maddy was facing charges over Mark Reynolds death, and facing them alone. He'd spoken to the police, given a statement. They'd told him once they had all the information needed they would be sending it off to the Crown Prosecution Service. It was for them to decide what if anything should happen next.

The car had just rounded the corner into the village. As it came to a stop in the drive, Pearl appeared through the surgery door. She was smiling from ear to ear, obviously pleased to see him. He'd expected her to make some kind of fuss, she always did. Still he hadn't been expecting the great big hug she give him or the kiss on his cheek.

Pearl had been there to greet him the last time he came home from hospital; she'd had Clyde with her, telling him how much the dog had missed him. He'd not paid much attention to either of them then, he'd been too wrapped up in his own misery. But this time he wasn't wanting to die! This time he was relieved to be alive, and grateful to the people who'd kept him alive. He didn't fear or hate the world around him this time either but he was disappointed in it. It turned people's lives upside down, Maddy's for one.

Once she'd walked him to the front door Pearl had made her way back to the surgery, telling him she had to keep a watchful eye on Rhona, it seemed the two of them weren't getting on any better. He felt sorry for Paddy having to play referee.

Paddy was standing beside him now, setting his bag down on the hall floor and saying, "I'll take this up to your room just as soon as I've made us a brew."

The older man was going to have to stop fussing, he could take his bag upstairs himself. Tea sounded good though and he followed Paddy further into the room.

He wasn't going to think about the last time he'd been in this room, not yet anyway. Instead he turned his thoughts to the time before that. The time he'd had the almighty row with Paddy. They'd almost come to blows, he could remember how hurt he'd been, how the hurt had quickly turned to anger, how he'd lost it and raged at Paddy. But they were alright now weren't they? Suddenly he wasn't so sure, had he really forgiven him for all the terrible things he'd said?

He couldn't look the older man the eye, scared of what he might see.

"Aaron?"

Paddy didn't miss a thing; he felt his arms fold around him, offering the reassurance he needed right then. Now he really did feel he was home.

The afternoon had passed quickly, he'd had one visitor after another, first his Mam, then Adam, Victoria, Zak and Lisa, his Mam again! She was wanting to make sure he was eating. Why shouldn't he be? She'd annoyed Paddy with her checking up too, he'd snapped at her, "Do you honestly think I'd let him starve?" He'd rolled his eyes at that comment; he wasn't so helpless he couldn't feed himself! He was still a little weak, still a bit sore but apart from that he was fine, well he was tired too, but he intended going to bed early because the thing he'd most been looking forward to on coming home, was falling asleep in Jackson's arms.

TBC


	24. Chapter 24

Part 24

They were upstairs, Jackson in the bathroom, Aaron already in bed and waiting for the older man to return to the room so they could carry on talking, so he could persuade him to his way of thinking, and he would too, even if he had to resort to some underhanded tactics!

He snuggled a little further underneath the duvet; he was so pleased to be in his own bed. Hospital beds were far from comfortable, he knew he'd get a good night sleep tonight, there'd be no ward noise, no night nurses checking on him, as nice and as kind as they'd been he wasn't going to be miss them.

He could hear Jackson padding bare foot along the landing and his gaze moved towards the door. As the older man stepped into the room clad only in his boxers, he totally forgot what was on his mind. Suddenly he couldn't wait for him to peel his underwear off and get into bed with him.

But Jackson hadn't forgotten and was ready to pick up where he'd left off. "I'm not saying it's not a good idea." He reasoned although knowing all too well that once Aaron had made his mind up to do something it was almost impossible to have him change it, "I'm saying I don't think you should be doing it yet. You only came out of hospital this morning!"

"So, what difference does that make? The sooner I do it the better..."

"Ok, but not tomorrow. I think you should wait a few days." He was standing looking down at the younger man; his arms crossed determined he'd get his way on this occasion.

"Well if you won't drive me there tomorrow I'll drive myself!"

"The doctor said you weren't to drive for six weeks!"

"So!" He shrugged, he was certain Jackson wouldn't let him disobey doctor's orders, and would agree to take him to Hotton the following morning."

"You 'won't' be driving anywhere tomorrow!" He was laying down the law now and by the look on Aaron's face he knew he meant it. "If you're so intent on going then..." he paused knowing Aaron was expecting him to give in to him at this point, well he was going to be sorely disappointed, "...you can catch a bus or get a taxi because after pulling that dirty little trick, I'm definitely not taking you." The younger man shook his head at him and then turned onto his other side, away from him. He was tempted to say, 'If you're going to sulk then I'm going to sleep down stairs.' He wouldn't though; it was the last thing he wanted to do. He'd spent the last fourteen nights without Aaron by his side and no way was he about to spend another one. Getting into bed he shifted over to Aaron and pulled him into his arms, he'd expected some resistance but there wasn't any, he just eased himself onto his back turning his head to meet his gaze.

"I just want you there; I need you to be there."

Jackson knew he couldn't refuse Aaron now, propping himself up on his elbow he said, "I'll be there." He wasn't going to talk anymore about it now though; he dropped a kiss on the younger man's mouth, suddenly hungry for him. The doctors hadn't mentioned him having to wait a while before having sex, but maybe they should do all the same, Aaron had only had his stitches out a few days before. He pulled the duvet back, eyed the still very raw looking scar, lightly tracing it with his finger. It would fade in time, but not completely, it would always be a reminder of how close he'd come to losing Aaron.

"I'm alright." Aaron insisted, he wanted Jackson just as much as he wanted him right now.

He wasn't so sure he was, so maybe just a kiss, a cuddle. He covered Aaron's mouth with his own, the kiss lasting a little longer than the one before, the next one more demonstrative of his feelings, the one after that longer and more meaningful still, and a little more passionate. He knew then it wouldn't be enough, not for him and not for Aaron...so his lips began a slow and sensuous journey stopping first to taste and caress Aarons neck, moving to tease and then punish a now hardened nipple before moving lower and lower...

eeee

Jackson was going to put in a couple of hours work and come back for him around eleven. Paddy would be out on his rounds then and be none the wiser to his trip into town. He didn't want him finding out about it, not until he'd been, hopefully not even then if it turned out to be a waste of time. Pearl was supposed to keep an eye on him in his absence, but he could get around Pearl, swear her to secrecy.

He was eager to get on with it and was watching the clock. It was still only ten and he was growing increasingly impatient to get gone. He was making himself the umpteenth drink of the morning, when the phone rang, he answered it and was met by silence.

"Hello." He tried again expecting some cold caller to answer this time.

"Aaron?"

The voice was familiar, but he couldn't place it at first, then suddenly it hit him who it was and he instantly hung up.

"Who was that?" Paddy asked, he'd come to check on Aaron before he went out.

"Why's he ringing here?" Aaron snapped at the older man.

"Who?"

"My dad!"

Paddy heaved a sigh, "You know why..."

The phone had started to ring again, Paddy making to answer it.

"If that's him..."

"If it is I'm going to tell him what he wants to know, that you're ok."

It was his father, God he had some nerve. As irritated as he was by him calling he found himself listening to Paddy reassure him about his health. But as soon as Paddy put the phone down he was having a go at him about it. "I didn't hear you tell him not to ring again."

"For some reason I don't think he will."

Why did Paddy's comment make him feel he was in the wrong? Not that he cared, Gordon Livesy could rot in hell as far as he was concerned.

Jackson was later than promised and he'd snapped at him as he got into the van. It had earned him a questioning look from the older man; he knew something had rattled him.

"My dad rang."

He hadn't been expecting that anymore than Aaron had been, "He doesn't give up does he..." He knew instantly that he'd said the wrong thing.

"He gave up on me two years ago!"

"Sorry."

"Come on lets go." He didn't want to talk about it anymore and anyway he had something more important on his mind now.

eeee

Aaron had a vague idea where the place was, the far end of town down a pedestrian only street. Jackson had parked as near as he could then they'd walked down the street together.

"That must be it." Aaron pointed to a sign above a premises on the other side of the street, 'Curl Up and Dye'. It wasn't very original but it made it clear what the place was. The hair salon also had a For Sale sign attached to it, maybe business wasn't so good.

"There's a cafe next door, I could wait for you in there?"

"Yeah." He'd wanted Jackson to come with him, to be nearby but he didn't think he could say what he needed to say to Maddy if there was anyone else there, not even Jackson. As Jackson made his way into the cafe he opened the salon door and walked inside.

TBC


	25. Chapter 25

Bonds and Other Broken Things

Part 25

"Aaron!"

Maddy had looked shocked to see him, but her features had quickly softened into a smile, she'd looked relieved, maybe even pleased, but as quickly as the smile had formed it had faded and she'd suddenly seeed nervous. She was probably expecting some nasty comment from him, some put down, he couldn't blame her, that's all she'd got from him before, he'd not said one kind or friendly word to her.

He'd just stared back at her, not sure how to start to apologise for his behaviour or how to thank her for what she'd done. He certainly hadn't wanted an audience and there were several stylists and customers present. As if reading his mind Maddy had gestured to a door behind her and said, "Come through to the back."

He'd followed her into the room, closing the door behind him. His gaze had slowly moved around what was obviously the staffroom, taking in the chairs, coffee machine, fridge, all the personal belongings. He'd been deliberately avoiding Maddy's searching gaze but he'd eventually had to meet it, the brown eyes were now looking intently into his.

The silence was growing increasingly unbearable but he just couldn't seem to get anything past his dry lips. It seemed it was equally uncomfortable for Maddy because she began to talk, Aaron not missing the tremor in her voice.

"When did you get out of hospital?"

"Yesterday."

"And you're feeling ok? Should you be out and about so soon?"

Aaron knew Maddy wasn't just making small talk, that she was genuinely interested, that she cared and he felt even more ashamed of his actions. "Yeah." He wasn't really; he felt far from ok, his legs were a bit wobbly, and he was lightheaded; it was one thing wandering around the house, able to sit down when he felt like it. Walking around Hotton's streets was something else entirely. He was a lot weaker than he'd ever admit to anyone.

"How's Jackson?"

"He's fine, he's next door in the cafe." Aaron knew Jackson liked Maddy, and like Paddy had said he would too if he'd just give her a chance. Why hadn't he listened to him? He never steered him wrong, never.

"You're still staying at his then?"

Maddy sounded disappointed, but he knew his reply would change that, "No, Paddy's."

She was nodding her head and smiling again now; obviously pleased he'd gone home, eventually confirming her delight with one quietly spoken word, "Good."

He'd expected her to ask about Paddy then but no, like Paddy avoided talking about Maddy, it seemed she was avoiding talking about him, like it would hurt too much if she did. Suddenly what composure she had cracked and she eyed him anxiously asking "Aaron why are you here?"

"Because I wanted to talk to you." He'd blurted that out easily enough but couldn't keep the momentum going and the awful silence descended again. He knew Maddy wasn't going to help fill it this time, that it was down to him. "I wanted to tell you I was wrong, about you, about you and Paddy. I'm sorry, for the things I said. I'm sorry for not giving you the chance you asked for. I'm sorry for coming between you and him." Maddy was shaking her head again and there looked to be tears in her eyes, he couldn't be sure though because she turned around, away from him but only briefly. Just long enough to regain control because when she turned around she was eyeing him steadily, no trace of tears now, and there was a hardness in her tone.

"No! You weren't wrong. You said I'd hurt him and I did. What happened to you...the only way I could have hurt him anymore was if...was if you'd died.

"That wasn't your fault!"

"Yes it was, of course it was!"

She sounded angry now, but he knew the anger wasn't directed at him but at herself.

"The likes of me getting involved with someone like him! I should have known better. My past was always going to raise its ugly head; it was always going to destroy anything good I found."

"Reynolds was off his head, you're not responsible for what he did..."

"I should have walked away when you told me to; none of this would have happened if I had..."

"Maybe you weren't meant to walk away! All that's happened, me and Paddy, me and Jackson, it's better, stronger now. You and Paddy could..."

"No! Paddy 'is' better off without me. This...this mess, this thing with Reynolds. It's not over Aaron; it never will be, not for me. Paddy doesn't want someone with that kind of baggage."

"He loves you."

"He told you that?"

He wanted to lie and say yes because he'd just seen a glimmer of hope in Maddy's eyes; he wanted to give her something more to hold on to. But he couldn't, but then he didn't feel he had to, "No, but he does, I know he does."

The brown eyes were looking at him in confusion now. Wondering why he was telling her that now.

"You hated me, what's changed?"

He hadn't hated her, had he? He didn't know anymore, he was confused too. Ever since waking up in hospital he'd been trying to make sense of what had happened and why he'd acted the way he had. He didn't know how to answer Maddy, to explain himself but before he could even try he saw a remoteness develop in her eyes, her features hardening around them. Maddy was distancing herself from him now, he knew because he used to do the same thing. When it seemed Paddy was getting a little too close emotionally, he'd panic and try to push the older man away. He'd open his mouth and shoot him down in flames and Maddy was about to do that to him.

"Well? Is it the fact I stopped Reynolds from finishing off what he'd started? You don't owe me anything if that's what you think. I'd have done the same for anyone...anyone!"

"I was there because I cared what happened to you. You did what you did because you cared about me." He stared back at Maddy daring her to deny it and knowing she couldn't, she looked down and away hiding whatever she was feeling from him right now.

"I didn't hate you... I was just scared of losing the best thing that ever happened to me; there'd have been no Jackson without him. Paddy's the best thing that ever happened to you too..."

"Yes but he deserves someone better than me, I don't even know where I'll be in two months time, I could be in prison. Paddy doesn't want someone whose actions will sully his name, his reputation.

"He won't see it like that, I know he won't. He stood by me; he didn't care what anyone else thought"

"Aaron this is different, I killed someone! I have to somehow learn to live with that, I can't expect him too."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes."

She hadn't had to think about her answer, and that had given him some hope.

"Then shouldn't that be his decision to make." It made perfect sense to him, but Maddy had simple shaken her head, dismissing his words with a firm "No." and not knowing what else to say he'd turned around and left her standing there.

Jackson had been on his way out of the cafe, tapping away at his phone. Seeing him he gestured at it, "Paddy's giving me hell! He's home and you're not and I'm getting the blame! I told him we were on our way back there now so..." Remembering why they were they he asked, "How'd it go?"

Now he was the one shaking his head, it had all been a waste of time.

TBC


	26. Chapter 26

Part 26

They were on their way home from seeing Maddy and Jackson was trying to raise Aaron's flagging spirits, "She might see things differently in a few days, when she's had time to think on what you said."

"No." It didn't seem likely; he could understand Maddy's reasoning. She loved Paddy, wanted to protect him, but she couldn't see just how much she was hurting him in the process. He'd just done exactly the same thing. Jackson had tried to make him see he was wrong but nothing could persuade him otherwise at the time, just like he couldn't persuade Maddy now.

As Jackson pulled up outside Smithy cottage Paddy opened the front door, wearing his 'What were you thinking' face. He stood silently waiting until the two younger men were out of the van and walking towards him before letting rip...

"You..." He gestured to Aaron, "I would expect it from, sneaking out when you know damn well you're on house arrest, but not from you..." He was looking at a sheepish Jackson now, "I thought you had more sense!"

"I needed some air..." Aaron had been about to say he'd forced Jackson's hand but Paddy didn't give him chance.

"You could have just stuck your head outside the flippin' front door for that! You didn't have to go gallivanting God knows where. Where did you go anyway?"

"Nowhere, we just drove round and anyway what're you doing home so soon? Are you skiving off work?"

"Something came up...it came home with me actually!" Paddy said as he walked into the kitchen suddenly looking a little uneasy.

"What did?" Aaron asked remembering the last time Paddy had brought something home with him from his rounds. It had been Clyde.

Paddy pointed to the corner of the room, all eyes turned in that direction. Clyde's old basket was there, Paddy having earlier retrieved it from the attic. He wasn't a hoarder but he'd thought it likely it would be made use of sometime in the future and so had stored it up there out of the way.

Seeing the basket Aaron had for a split second expected to see Clyde, he felt his heart constrict when he didn't, when he remembered the painful truth. But the basket wasn't empty, there was something in it. "What's that?"

"An Alsatian pup..."

"What's it doing in here? Shouldn't it be next door?" Aaron snapped, not liking how this was looking.

"It's a she and she's the last of the litter, the breeder couldn't sell her because she's got a misshapen ear, not that it's really noticeable but..."

"So why's it here?" Aaron demanded as Jackson stepped over to the basket crouching down to get a closer look at the sleeping puppy.

Paddy started to explain his reasons, "He was wanting rid and asked me if I'd ...well I thought you might like..."

"Well you thought wrong!" Aaron interrupted before turning around and making for the stairs and his bedroom, leaving the two older men looking at each other.

Heaving a sigh Paddy said, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Jackson nodded; he happened to think it was a good idea too, he was certain Aaron would quickly warm to the idea as well.

"Maybe it's a bit soon?" It had crossed his mind that it might be, but when he'd set eyes on the unwanted puppy the image of another unwanted dog had popped into his head. Aaron had pleaded for him not to be put down, to let him keep him, he had and he'd not regretted that decision. Something had told him Aaron would want to do the same for this dog too, but if he hadn't quite let go of Clyde then maybe not.

"No, I think the timings about right." Jackson assured the older man; they all needed a distraction, something else to focus on other than recent events. Something they could all pool their time and love in. "He'll come round to the idea," he added confidently.

Paddy hoped so, and he was happy to give Aaron the time he needed to reach that point, right now though he had something else pressing on his mind. "So where did you go?" He knew Aaron had been hiding something; he'd been evasive, eager to move the attention from him, now he had Jackson alone he could question him about it.

"I think he should be the one to tell you that."

"Jackson!" Paddy pushed.

He hadn't really needed much encouragement to talk; he thought Paddy needed to know and it would save a lot of time and bother if he told the older man himself rather than wait for Aaron to work his way round to doing so, "Aaron asked me to take him to Hotton, he wanted to speak to Maddy."

Paddy couldn't hide his surprise, his eyes widening as he asked, "Why?"

He wasn't going to tell him that, that was for Aaron to do, "I think you should ask him?"

Jackson's verbal nudge had Paddy making his way upstairs, knocking on Aaron's door before making his way into his room. He found the younger man lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"In need of a trim were you?"

Paddy knew! Had he guessed or had Jackson told him? It didn't matter either way; he felt better knowing he knew about it. He wasn't sure how he was feeling about it though and slowly met his gaze. He hadn't sounded angry and he didn't look it either, he looked like he was waiting on an explanation. Moving to sit at the side of the bed he waited for Paddy to sit alongside him before speaking.

"I wanted to tell Maddy I was sorry, for what I said, did, and for coming between the two of you now..."

"You haven't come between us..."

"Yes I have, we both know I have."

"Aaron..."

"You were back with Maddy, you couldn't keep away. Then I end up in hospital and you thought you had to choose between me and her...and you did."

Paddy sighed, he couldn't deny the truth. He'd been in love with Maddy but he loved Aaron as a son, at the time he didn't believe he could have both of them in his life and the decision had been straightforward enough. He and Maddy hadn't discussed it, they hadn't needed to, it was one of those things you know, understand and accept without one word needing to pass your lips. It didn't mean it hadn't hurt, that his heart wasn't aching for her, even now. But he'd get over Maddy in time. Just like he'd got over Mandy, Emily and Chas.

TBC


	27. Chapter 27

Part 27

Paddy's silence had thrown him; he was used to the older man encouraging such openness from him with some words of his own. But he wasn't this time, maybe he wanted more from him first, but he was already struggling, "You shouldn't have had to choose between us, I mean I shouldn't have made you feel like you had to. I didn't mean for that to happen. I was just..." He paused and shrugged at a loss now as to how to explain himself without sounding too pathetic. He'd been worried for Paddy but more than anything he'd been scared of losing him, scared Maddy would come between the two of them like Sandra had come between him and his dad.

Paddy was looking at him now, like he knew the truth.

"It's what you'd come to expect isn't it? From the people you believed cared about you. Someone or something coming into their life and becoming more important to them than you...eventually taking your place. I realised a little too late that that's what all this was about, you thinking that because I had someone significant in my life you'd be pushed to one side again."

He was suddenly ashamed and couldn't look the older man in the eye, "I should have known better." Paddy had only ever put him first. He was the only one who had. His mam hadn't. She'd walked out on him, she said she did what she'd thought was best for him at the time. But it hadn't been! It had just given her the freedom she wanted. His dad had chosen his new wife and kid over him. Yes he'd messed up big time, but then he'd only been fifteen! Couldn't his father have given him another chance? It seemed he wanted to now but it was too late. He didn't want or need him in his life anymore, and he would never be able to trust him again, never.

"You do now?" Paddy asked gently, he needed to be sure all Aaron's doubts about him were gone, for both their sakes.

"Yeah." How could he have ever doubted Paddy? He'd never given him any reason too. Those doubts, his insecurity was what had come between the two of them in the end. But then when it seemed there was a decision needing to be made Paddy had put him first again. Maddy had too! What did that say about her? Just about everything he needed to know!

He hated how things had turned out. It hadn't made him happy. They certainly weren't happy, and weren't likely to be while they were apart. The solution was easy though, "Paddy if you just go and talk to Maddy..."

"It's not that simple..."

"Why isn't it?"

"I can't expect her to just pick up where we left off? Like I didn't drop her like you would a hot potato!"

"It wasn't like that and anyway it's what she wants."

"Is that what she said?"

"No... not exactly..."

"That's because she's got no reason to want me back."

He could think of one, "She loves you."

"She told you that?"

"Actually she did!" He eyed Paddy steadily letting him know just how true a statement that was. "But all this stuff with Reynolds well she thinks it would look bad on you. I told her it wouldn't matter, not to you. I told her how you'd stood by me but..."

"She doesn't think I'll be there for her and I can't blame her after..."

"No, it's not that! She doesn't want you involved; she's trying to protect you from the fallout." He admired her for that, she was terrified of what was coming her way but cared enough about Paddy to want to keep him at a safe distance. He couldn't let her do it alone, they couldn't let her. They were all in this together weren't they? They should be, it had affected all their lives. "Paddy she's scared and she's facing all that crap on her own, she shouldn't have too."

"No she shouldn't."

"So you'll go see her?"

"You'd be alright with that?"

"Yeah." Of course he would, hadn't he just made that clear? Obviously not, "I just want you to be happy."

"I need you to be too."

"Then go see Maddy."

He'd followed Paddy downstairs watched him hurry out the front door, confident that when he returned he'd have some good news about him and Maddy. He'd realised then that Jackson was still there, sitting nursing a mug of tea by the kitchen table. After telling him where Paddy had gone he said, "I thought you had to get back to work."

"I do but I couldn't leave her on her own; she's peeing and doing everywhere!"

"What?"

Jackson pointed over to where the pup was now chewing contentedly on a rubber bone."

He'd forgotten all about the puppy, "Paddy's a vet! What was he thinking bringing it home?"

Jackson heaved a sigh, did Aaron really not know or was he just trying to distance himself from the pup? Either way it wouldn't hurt to tell him. "He was thinking of you!"

He knew he'd been asking for that slap down. He knew there was only one reason Paddy would bring the dog home, and that was because of him. Dropping into a chair beside Jackson, Aaron eyed the black and tan bundle of energy, it would be so easy to get involved, but he wasn't going there, not this time, he just needed to make Jackson see things his way, "It was different with Clyde."

"Why was it?"

"It just was."

Jackson wasn't satisfied with that and eyed the younger man expectantly.

Grudgingly Aaron added, "He was older, a lot older."

"You had to train him..."

"Yeah but not like..." Aaron gestured at the pup "... she's going to need training!"

"It'll take a bit of time but it's not like you haven't got plenty of that right now, and you'll not be doing it on your own remember, Paddy and me will help. She's not going to need much else is she except love... but that's what's really scaring you isn't it? The fact you're going to end up loving her and one day losing her."

That was exactly it; he wasn't going to go through all that again, no way! He wasn't going to admit that though not even to Jackson, "I just don't want another dog, all the hassle, the expense. I don't need it right now."

"I think it's exactly what you do need, and you're exactly what Muttley needs."

"Muttley? What sort of a name is that?"

"Pearl suggested it earlier..." She'd called her something else too when she'd stepped in something nasty she'd left in her wake.

"She would! No, we're not calling her that. I thought Clyde was bad but that's even worse."

Jackson was grinning at him now; he knew his resolve was breaking. Pushing home the fact the older man asked, "What should we call her then?"

He couldn't help but grin back, "We'll think of something."

The End


	28. Epilogue

Epilogue

As Jackson had concentrated on making his way through the busy midday traffic, Aaron had sat staring out the window, lost in his thoughts.

They were on their way back from the hospital, where he'd just had a postoperative check up. He'd been seen by the surgeon who had so skilfully saved his life. The doctor had been really pleased with his recovery and had been happy to give him the all clear to return to work, and he couldn't wait. Life was slowly starting to get back to some sort of normality, things were falling back into place, but there was one thing still unsettling them all... Maddy's fate! As things stood it was all still very much up in the air.

It was six weeks now since Maddy had stopped Reynolds from stabbing him for a second time; the doctors had been certain it would have proved fatal if he'd managed to succeed. They were still waiting for the Crown Prosecution Service to decide if there was a case against her, if she should be prosecuted for Reynolds death. That decision was hanging over them all like a black cloud. Life went on but it was difficult to look ahead, to make plans.

It would be next year before any court case could take place, and should that be what they were facing, then it would put a dampener on Christmas and the New Year celebrations, no matter how hard they tried not to let it. This would be his and Jackson's first Christmas together and they'd planned on making it memorable but for all the right reasons.

As he'd hoped, Maddy and Paddy had got back together and they seemed really happy. He knew though that they were both putting on a brave face, they were when around him anyway, they might not be quite so positive in private. He and Jackson weren't so positive at such times; they knew they had to be prepared for any eventuality. Paddy was really going to need them should the worst happen and Maddy be sent to prison.

Things had been a little awkward between him and her at first, his fault not Maddy's. He couldn't forget how he'd treated her, and at the same time worried she might find she didn't actually like him, especially when she'd got to know him better. The two of them needed to get on for Paddy's sake and he'd been scared they wouldn't for whatever reason.

But he'd slowly began to relax around her, to not worry about saying the wrong thing. He hated to admit it but he got his tactlessness and sometimes thoughtlessness from his mother! He'd found though that if he did slip up, Maddy would just ignore it much like Paddy did.

He liked how she fussed over Paddy, how well she got on with Jackson, he wished he was as comfortable with her as he was, that would come though, he was certain of that because he found himself liking Maddy more and more. She was warm kind and caring, a lot like Paddy in fact. He'd quickly realised he hadn't really known her at all; he only thought he had, just like Paddy and Jackson had said. He'd had an image of her in his mind, formed over two years ago, one of an unsmiling cheap and heartless slapper. But she'd come across that way because of Gary McFarlane, because of the way he'd treated her. The heavy makeup she'd wore back then had been plastered on to hide the bruises put there by him. Her remoteness due to apathy and lack of self-worth brought about by the abusive marriage she'd been trapped in.

He'd learnt a lot about her these last few weeks. She'd been happy to share her past with him, keeping nothing back. She'd had it tough growing up, much tougher than him. She'd looked for an escape only to one day find herself in an even darker place. She'd fought her way back though, eventually finding the courage to divorce McFarlane, getting enough money out of him through legal means to start her own business. He'd lost face and that alone made it easy for her to believe it was him making all the threats against her and Paddy. She'd never for one minute imagined Mark Reynolds had been lying, that it was him who was jealous and prepared to do anything to stop them seeing each other.

He'd been convinced of McFarlane's hand in it too. He'd been ready to hit back at him after Clyde's death. If Jackson hadn't stopped him, things might well have turned out even nastier than they had done. And if it had been McFarlane responsible for the intimidation then it would have just carried on, the nightmare would have been never ending.

At least that part was over with now. If only they could put it all behind them, it just needed Maddy to be cleared of any wrong doing. It just wouldn't be right sending someone like her to prison!

Maddy had been the one to give the puppy a name. The three of them hadn't been able to agree on one, Jackson favouring Jem, Paddy liking Ella. He didn't like either one but couldn't think of anything better so the nameless had remained so, answering to 'here girl' for well over a week until Maddy had suggested they call her Bonnie!

Bonnie! Why hadn't he thought of that? It provided a link to Clyde and he'd liked that, he'd liked that Maddy had been the one to think of it too, she'd obviously thought about it and that told him that she cared.

"Aaron!"

"What?" Jackson was impatiently calling his name, obviously not for the first time.

"Your phones ringing!"

It had been an anxious sounding Paddy telling him Maddy's solicitor had rung her, asking if they could be at his office for 1pm, he would have some news for them by then.

They made their way over to Congleton, meeting Paddy and a very pale looking Maddy in the car park. She looked ill but he'd put it down to nerves.

She'd had a bit more colour in her cheeks when they left the solicitors office. They'd had good news, the best. There were to be no charges made. It was finally over. They could get on with the business of living now and life was always throwing out surprises some more unexpected than others as he was soon to find out.

It was his first day back at work and he'd forgotten his phone, he'd sprinted home on his tea break expecting to find Smithy cottage empty. Maddy's car was outside and as he'd come out of his bedroom she'd been coming out of the bathroom. On seeing him she'd hidden something behind her back.

He hadn't really thought anything of it, but Maddy had obviously felt guilty because she stepped closer to him and held up her hand for him to see what she was holding.

"Do you know what this is?"

He thought he did but suddenly lost for words he could only nod.

"It's positive."

"Yeah!" This was going to take a while to sink in.

"Paddy's going to get the shock of his life but I think he'll be pleased."

He felt the need to reassure her and knowing Paddy as well as he did he could do just that, "I know he will be."

Maddy had smiled at him then before softly asking, "What about you Aaron? How do you feel about it?"

She looked and sounded concerned and he couldn't understand why, not until she'd gone on to say. "It's not going to change the way Paddy's feels about you."

"I know." It hadn't entered his head that it might, once it might have done, but not anymore.

The End


End file.
